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Rex Huppke

@rexhuppke

(VERY SERIOUS) USA TODAY humor(ish) columnist. May or may not be notable. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present). Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas.

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Latest posts by Rex Huppke @rexhuppke

I can’t stand all this crap reporting about Trump looking for “exit ramps” or a “quick end” to the war he started with Iran. Do people think we can just peace out and everything will be fine? We just bombed a large nation and killed a slew of civilians. They’re not going to just let it go. FFS.

10.03.2026 04:08 👍 656 🔁 148 💬 45 📌 8

No notes

09.03.2026 23:21 👍 174 🔁 47 💬 3 📌 0

Jesus Christ. This is so insane. There are zero responsible adults in the Republican Party. Zero.

09.03.2026 22:20 👍 429 🔁 107 💬 19 📌 4

Things under the bus are getting mighty crowded.

09.03.2026 22:05 👍 105 🔁 20 💬 5 📌 0

"The people" in this case are the bizarre horror-puppets Stephen Miller plays with after hours to keep his demons at bay.

09.03.2026 21:56 👍 128 🔁 25 💬 11 📌 0

I love that the markets dramatically rebounded in anticipation of Trump’s comments, and he’s just up there barfing up nonsense and saying the war will go on etc… Absolute suckers.

09.03.2026 21:18 👍 155 🔁 23 💬 9 📌 1
Preview
Spiking gas prices will make me filthy rich. Thanks, Trump! | Opinion Gas prices are skyrocketing, but Rex Huppke's Bargain Backyard Kiddie-Pool Gas Emporium is about to boom.

Before Trump surrenders, make sure you read my sensible and not-at-all self-serving argument in favor of high gas prices.

www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

09.03.2026 20:51 👍 39 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 1

Every single bit of this piece by @markjacob.bsky.social, regarding the vampiric Stephen Miller, is spot on:

09.03.2026 20:36 👍 123 🔁 40 💬 4 📌 0

Well, I’m sure if Trump just declares the war with Iran over now that we’ve killed hundreds of Iranian children and the father of the new ruler of Iran, that’s the last we’ll hear of Iran. I feel safer already!

09.03.2026 20:19 👍 169 🔁 23 💬 10 📌 1

The stock market thinks Donald Trump and Elon Musk are the two most honest people alive.

09.03.2026 19:30 👍 217 🔁 30 💬 6 📌 4
Preview
Spiking gas prices will make me filthy rich. Thanks, Trump! | Opinion Gas prices are skyrocketing, but Rex Huppke's Bargain Backyard Kiddie-Pool Gas Emporium is about to boom.

Opinion: They laughed when I lined my yard with kiddie pools and filled each one with gasoline and covered them all with evaporation lids. Who's laughing now?

09.03.2026 19:00 👍 24 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0
Preview
Spiking gas prices will make me filthy rich. Thanks, Trump! | Opinion Gas prices are skyrocketing, but Rex Huppke's Bargain Backyard Kiddie-Pool Gas Emporium is about to boom.

I welcome higher gas prices! They're making my backyard hoarded-fuel business absolutely boom. Thanks, Donald Trump!

My column:

www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

09.03.2026 16:41 👍 51 🔁 5 💬 0 📌 0
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LCD Soundsystem’s final night in Chicago. Simply fantastic.

09.03.2026 05:33 👍 75 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0

love how we killed the old, frail anti-nuke ayatollah just to have him replaced with his young, healthy son who wants nukes and who just had his father, mother, wife, and child murdered on the same day by his mortal enemy. surely this will bring peace to the region

09.03.2026 02:01 👍 19115 🔁 4779 💬 229 📌 141

Trump in 10 minutes: “I have always encouraged people to use electric vehicles. This is all your fault.”

09.03.2026 01:55 👍 175 🔁 13 💬 7 📌 0

Golden Age!

08.03.2026 22:38 👍 124 🔁 26 💬 10 📌 0

Golden Age!

08.03.2026 22:29 👍 99 🔁 20 💬 3 📌 1

Golden Age!

08.03.2026 22:27 👍 79 🔁 17 💬 7 📌 0

Golden Age!

08.03.2026 22:08 👍 95 🔁 12 💬 6 📌 0

This piece by @willbunch.bsky.social makes a powerful point about the horror of the Iranian school children we killed and the grotesquely flip way the Trump administration is talking about it all. The archbishop of Chicago condemned Trump and Co. for gamifying the war this weekend. It's all twisted.

08.03.2026 20:53 👍 240 🔁 62 💬 5 📌 0

Donald Trump spent the day playing golf in a stupid hat.

08.03.2026 20:19 👍 159 🔁 47 💬 11 📌 0

Oh. Oh my.

08.03.2026 18:04 👍 298 🔁 63 💬 25 📌 2

...and then built a second structure for another level of kiddie pools filled with gasoline. They laughed and laughed. And the neighborhood association protested and filed complaints. And my family left me as I built a third level for my gasoline pools.

WELL WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, YOU $%@*!*! I WIN!!

08.03.2026 17:28 👍 47 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

Oh, they laughed when I lined the backyard with kiddie pools and filled each kiddie pool with gasoline and then covered each kiddie pool with an evaporative lid and then built an above-ground structure over the kiddie pools of gasoline on which I could put other kiddie pools filled with gasoline...

08.03.2026 17:26 👍 52 🔁 2 💬 4 📌 0

Never good when the war enthusiasts appear fully aroused.

08.03.2026 17:07 👍 153 🔁 31 💬 23 📌 3

Sharp column by the always-sharp @bychrisbrennan.bsky.social:

08.03.2026 17:01 👍 71 🔁 16 💬 2 📌 0
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Wow -- as first spotted by @BadFoxGraphics on X, Fox & Friends this morning used *old footage of a previous dignified transfer* to mislead their audience about the fact that Trump wore a baseball cap during the one yesterday

08.03.2026 13:24 👍 12932 🔁 4900 💬 921 📌 695

Lindsey is particularly blood thirsty for wars he won't be fighting or sending his kids to fight. It's all just a fun game of talking tough by a small man.

08.03.2026 16:16 👍 2903 🔁 605 💬 278 📌 35

I don’t think it’ll take long to have a Vietnam-level public response to what America is doing in Iran. It’s barbaric, there’s no clear mission or even reason to be there, and it started out unpopular.

08.03.2026 04:35 👍 322 🔁 55 💬 17 📌 5
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BREAKING: The US has bombed Tehran’s main refinery and burning oil is now flooding down the streets into the city’s sewers.

This is a vision from hell, unleashed by the US tonight.

(🎥 Vahid Online)

08.03.2026 01:10 👍 9477 🔁 5704 💬 962 📌 1055