JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️

Thank goodness my parents are no longer alive to see it happen again. They suffered enough.

open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

I am a single issue voter. Pineapple on pizza. Are you for or against?

Rogers Communications called to ask if I would be interested in their latest promotion, so I put them on hold for 55 minutes and played elevator music.

Would someone go over to my mother in law's and show her how to find Netflix again. 🙄

In case the Monkees come on the radio while I'm showering.

I know my wife is going to ask me to adjust her car's clock but the instructions are indecipherable. So I'm just going to put it up for sale instead.

If your cat could text you, they would always choose not to.

People think that the Islamic Republic's goal of destroying Israel is just rhetoric. But they even have a countdown clock in Tehran. Well they had one until it was blown up.

What is the actual serving sizes of potato chips?

The three branches of government:
Billionaire branch
Pedophile branch
Dementia branch

So let me get this straight. A colonoscopy involves drinking disgusting "stuff" to make you sit on the can all day emitting disgusting "stuff". At the hospital doctors put you to sleep so they can fish a camera up your butt hole. Then you to come back again in 5 years to do it all over again.

You know it's spring in Toronto when people open up their hot tubs.

I still remember when photocopiers first came out how people (well not me of course) would make a copy of their bare butt.

I dropped my phone in the sink. I quickly put it in a bag of rice. That seems to have worked except Siri now speaks with an Asian accent.

Whoever came up with cauliflower crust pizza has a lot of anger and should seek help immediately.

Antisemites strike again last night in Toronto. We will have our Bondi Beach.

They tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat. Jews survive another Haman.

open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

Chag Purim Sameach - Happy Purim

I'm annoyed by posts celebrating the 40th anniversary of films that came out in the 1980s, which was only 20 years ago.

Am I a Marxist? Yes, I am. Groucho Marx is one of my inspirations.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

I'm working on an email to a client and want to be grammatically correct. Is it "for fuck sake" or "for fuck's sake"?

I'm going to Costco today. Does anyone need a 40 lb bag of rice or a diamond ring?

Guess who finally stopped smoking today? Ayatollah Khamenei.

Here is my latest newsletter.

open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

Wife: Are you going out dressed like that?

Doctor: You need to lose weight.

Therapist: Your life is a mess.

Friends: You've really let yourself go.
Guy at the Dispensary: Excellent choice.

What a frustrating morning. I spent an hour looking for my shoes. It turns out my wife put them in the shoe closet like some psycho.

Too much to drink
Much drink I did have
I felt like a dink
Much drink I did have
I licked it and sipped it and sucked it and burped it
It flew out of my nose when I only just slurped it
Gin. vodka, bourbon, tequila gold
I had so many drinks I'm told

Dance like no one is watching is not okay in the ER waiting room according to hospital security.

My daughter's slice of birthday cake fell on the floor so she got a new piece. I tried to remove the dog hair from the first piece but gave up. Yes, I ate it. It's cake.