King Aethelclaw

Doris-ApClaw and all the little Helm-Claws say Hi

#FuckOffFriday

Good morning

I, your crustacean overlord, say:

Fuck off.

Just trying to head one off 😘

Now hear this!

People of #wulferhampton whatever happened to your Bretwalda's right ear and however much of it is missing - no member of the crab folk was responsible and there is no story to relate!

🥃

Very much so🦀🦀🦀

🎶 we don't have to take our claws off
To have a good time🎶

Bah Lobsters!

Upstarts!

Social climbers!

Damn right!

My People!!!

👏👏👏

🫡

Hmmmm 🤔

They can go in the lizards conservatory!

(sharpens claws)

@wulfhelm.bsky.social

After your successful 'communing' with the crab-folk last Michelmas, Doris-ApClaw is wondering when she can expect the first maintenance payment from you.

10 million tiny helmet crabs won't feed themselves.

We don't want to involve the CSA (Crab support agency) do we?

I can understand that, I see it as my role to try and irritate HIM.

Be a claw in his side as it were.

He doesn't bother me !

Crabs cannot be avoided

There

Here here!

Good evening Bretwalda.

That's high praise indeed from a talker of bollocks like yourself.

Hello Rob, whilst that is obviously a mighty crab, possibly a prince among crabs it is no king. No offence but you puny mammals have no idea of the enourmous creatures that dwell in the stygian depths of the abyss 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh I agree
Definitely a quirk.
We tend to (mistakenly) see evolution as purposive but in truth it's a mixture of randomness, fine margins and bloody long time scales.

Something to do with social / cooperative animals and older females helping nurture grandchildren (who they have a genetic investment in if you want to take a brutally darwinistic view)

The dopey lizard is banned from the tub since we moved in.

A semi sentient toenail clipping? I was unaware wülferhampton had an intellectual community.

Good evening MC 😁

🤔

No and it's Your Majesty to you

I think that's quite enough crab mockery now, thank you!

My people are listening...

Nooo.

I am here merely to serve my people and foster good crab-saxon relations

One day @wulfhelm.bsky.social will tell the WHOLE crab story and I will return to my Kingdom (possibly leaving behind a new hybrid master race of Helmet-Crabs)

Hello? Hello?

Can you saxons and the like hear me?

I have modified my profile according to your most excellent Bard's instructions.

So hopefully you will be able to get important updates from the crab people on your wulferhamptonians feed.

E.g. Doris is expecting a Happy Event soon.

Its a nasty job, but someone has to do it