Moe Ottis

When I was deployed in Iraq, I had 61 confirmed kills, all friendly fire.

Thought I’d mention this now in case it’s relevant.

The war in Iran is proving to be a real impediment to my gasoline drinking hobby. Prices are skyrocketing but I’m not getting any less thirsty

Spent most of last night dreaming of moths/moth-adjacent beings. Hoping this doesn’t mean my cancer is back.

Just learned they named a mountain after me up in the land of fake white people.

I can’t stop eating ham

#HamFridays
#GoyRising
#HamEmHigh

Every time a white man kills himself, and Angel earns it’s wings

I have not spoken to my crab wife in months. I fear she may be someone else’s rangoon-to-be now :(

My father told me he knew Fred Flinstone personally and promised me that I could meet him one day.

I was heartbroken when I finally learned that he had overdosed ten years earlier.

Really exciting news folks. moeOS is now going to be directly competing with Linux Q2 this year.

Big thanks to Igbo Moe for coding an entire operating system by himself in 4 days on a diet of nothing but Monster and Guinness.

I've received lots of feedback and at least 2 mail bombs regarding my previous post, so I am proud to announce that Silly Season is BACK ON!

Silly season is OVER!

Would you roll the Charlie Kirk dice?

Have you guys heard Summertime Sandwich by Adolf Hitler?

Flicker gooning my belly button

Going to hell protects you from aliens

Sources are telling me that Kuwait’s Labubu factory was just struck by an Iranian missile.

Please God.

Mossad has returned Korean Moe to me in a coffin draped in the Israeli flag.

After he is revived, I will have to go through a rigorous examination process to determine if he has been compromised.

My Uncle Corg used to tape an open sharpie underneath his nose each morning in order to deal with his nagging husband.

Just woke up from a crab coma. What did I miss?

I’m like a cuntified Jesus Christ.

I was once called the “Michael Jackson of Saudi Arabia” by a blind old man on the side of the road and I still have no idea why

Superbad was in part based on my life story but I never received a single fucking cent of royalties

The cops caught me selling dirt weed to the local 8th graders and instead of arresting me or killing me on the spot they commended me for my entrepreneurial spirit and gave me a sloppy handy

I only wear clothes I can breastfeed in, just in case an opportunity finally arises

Just pumped a goose in front of a family of five

Gravy is on sale today at Moe’s Gravy Emporium.

I got an A+ in FISH 101

Mossad got Korean Moe.

I am fucking devastated.

Today, I will be handcuffing myself to a pole outside Panda Express and giving the key to the nearest wild animal.

Back in college, I was kicked out of the phrenology club for having a “monumentally Italian skull shape”.

That is the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself in both the real world and the ghost dimension.