Capitalist Lion Tamer

What else was out there to gauge against at that point in time? Jaws (1979) had its mostly-lifelike mechano-shark, which spent most of the film’s running time presenting itself as a rather large motorized fin. Star Wars (1977) and The Empire Strikes Back (1980) had intricate models and an adorable version of outer space, a vacuum in which things exploded and made lots of noise. Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) gave us a billionaire’s version of the game Simon™. The only thing in the neighborhood was John Landis’ An American Werewolf in London, which had some amazing special effects but was limited to a person transforming into a wolf. (Oh, and another person who was transforming into a hideous Dorian Gray portrait, only more mobile and way more chatty.) In The Thing, you’ve got a dog morphing into a crab-leg waving, bullwhip-thick tentacle-spouting, hissing affront to God which later morphs into a sharp (and wet) bouquet of tongues and teeth and even later, scurries off under the table as nothing more than king crab-like legs sporting a human head. Every iteration of the thing is progressively more horrifying/stomach churning.

As does all the shit talking about the classics

The FEAR is also a problem. You may have a rather useful teammate who can actually kill something now and then without feeling compelled to empty a majority of the clip into the crate-covered background, but the moment they come across the first icy corpse/blood spattered wall, they instantly fall to pieces. While you’re trying to figure out which one of the equally non-descript buildings contains THE CUTSCENE (needed to advance the story), teammate X is laying on the floor in a fetal position, sucking his thumb and clicking his heels together, most likely surrounded by terrifying crates. FEAR ON So, what do you do? Give him another gun? Nothing stops the FEAR. And if said quivering wreck is integral to the story (i.e., surprise! he turns into an alien shortly down the line in the crucial CUTSCENE you can’t seem to find), well… you’re just kind of fucked. Because there is absolutely nothing you can do to move his whimpering ass to the room that contains the SCRIPT. Good news! You can have a crew of three people following you around at any given time, each one taking everything so goddamned personally that it becomes a perverse emotional micromanagement game. With limited ammo. Fun.

15 years ago, I buried a review of The Thing [PS2] in a lengthy review of The Thing [1982].

It still holds up

capitalistliontamer.wordpress.com/2011/06/16/c...

Headline: Police warn of crocodiles "absolutely everywhere" after Australia floods

Sterling Archer looking terrified

www.google.com/amp/s/www.cb...

the reverse version of those “evolution of man” drawings

2016 headline announcing Kristi Noem's run for SD governor

The dog she shot must have been named xxxdoriangrayxxx

brazzers milfporn understudy?

A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, “Kristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

Screaming

Last lyric in the song before the final chorus:

Oh let the century die to violent hands

Bang. Done.

I mean

"So steal me a savage, subservient son
Get him shacked-up, bloodied-up and sucking on a gun
I want the style of a woman, the kiss of a man
Introducing the band"

Suede - Introducing the Band

Chic thug stuttered through a stereo dream
A fifty knuckle shuffle, heavy metal machine
The tears of suburbia drowned the land
Introducing the band

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzqs...

fuck yes this one is amazing

It's not facemasking if'n you don't touch the facemask

Mahomes getting ragdolled like an NPC in a game where the developer doesn't know how to match collision detection with ragdoll animation. Absolute exists-outside-of-the-physical-world pwning.

Patty Mo at 43 out of 50 worst SB QB performances, posted here solely for @sarahemclaugh.bsky.social's enjoyment

www.theringer.com/2026/02/03/n...

MANNING FACE vs. STRIP SACK

:| vs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Peyton Manning 2015 Super Bowl: Won 24-10. EPA -0.58 Success Rate: 35.7 Stat line: 13-23, 141 yards, 0 TD 1 INT

Cam Newton 2015 Super Bowl (vs Peyton Manning of the DEN Broncos) Lost 10-24 EPA: -0.28 Success Rate: 28% Stat line: 18-41, 265 yds, 0 TD 1 INT

lol lmao even

www.theringer.com/2026/02/03/n...

Making Hebert Great Again (2026-?)

Prompted by this article ranking all 50 QB Super Bowl performances of this century:

47: Peyton Manning, SB 50 (2015)
46: Rex Grossman, SB XLI (2006)
45: Peyton Manning, SB XLVIII (2013)

www.theringer.com/2026/02/03/n...

this is the content @technursejon.bsky.social lives for when he's not shouting EAT THE $99 MIL at the Dolphins GM

cc: @tgeigs.bsky.social

Rejected Megaman Character #8 In honor of Super Bowl XLI, Capcom has released the identity of rejected Megaman character number eight.

20 years have passed but this still delivers the lmao

reject8.ytmnd.com

Donald Trump’s Greatest Promise Is Looking More Disastrous for Him by the Day Is it good politics to preside over job losses and rising gas prices? We’ll find out!.

Expect those unemployment numbers to climb once Trump's done firing everyone responsible for producing these factual reports

slate.com/news-and-pol...

Bankrupt Wedding Photo and Video Company Owes $2.3 Million Clients, photographers, and videographers are left with more questions than answers.

We Can Remember It For You Wholesale

petapixel.com/2026/03/06/b...

One of the most disturbing films I've ever seen. And that's a recommendation.

youtu.be/fNp85HGJtoo?...

Justice live with their trademark cross

[electronic fuckery ensues]

youtu.be/nnByp0rSMXw?...

Not the best show Justice has ever done tbh

Not familiar with the comic but felt the same way about "From". Amazing debut season and then everyone seemed to run out of good ideas. With Strain, it was "oh I guess this is now about a kid who has a bicycle"

What was the prompt? Make every box look like a bald man sweating?

I will miss Kristi Noem's inimitable constitutional insights, as when, asked by Sen. Maggie Hassan, D-N.H. at a Senate hearing to define "habeas corpus," she replied, "Habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country."