Vince E

When the family hands me their Christmas wish lists.

When my work laptop times out, a picture of the perfect employee is displayed. That employee is not me.

When I stay overnight at Mom’s senior living facility.

I just found out that my girlfriend is a Russian spy. It is my fault for ignoring all the red flags.

[dinner party]

GUEST: it has come to my attention that one of us is a secret time traveller.

ME: *tasting wine the waiter brought to the table* mmm, what year is this?

[everyone slowly turns their head]

Bleak Friday: Eat 1 pound get the 2nd pound for free.

The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn't all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate - Garrison Keillor

Check out my Thanksgiving reviews on Tryptophan Advisor.

Memories of Thanksgivings past when my wife was rummaging for the turkey baster only to find out that it was in the garage after I had used it to remove leftover gas from the snowblower.

The crust in my eye might literally be Parmesan

I bet getting hit by a small to medium asteroid feels so good for the earth

Remember when CBS would show Thanksgiving parades from New York, Philadelphia, Detroit, Toronto and Hawaii, and showed the floats, balloons and bands? Now it’s just excerpts of Broadway shows.

NEVER SEEN anything like it! Is that a GUITAR? And her VOICE? MIND-BLOWING! YouTube video by Leire

Nice version!

If your teeth are over a thousand lumens, then maybe it's time to cool it with the brightening.

Dogs are Better than People Fact #83: A dog has never called my cell phone posing as the IRS and threatening my arrest.

In hell your dog dresses you up in goofy outfits.

Please be quiet. I am defrosting a turkey.

airbud missing the game winning free throws and getting put down

For just 50 cents a day you can throw a roll of pennies at Keith in accounting

Hey girl, are you Top Secret, cuz I’d like to redact your political thoughts.

a man wearing a blue hat holds two uno cards in front of his face ALT: a man wearing a blue hat holds two uno cards in front of his face

Preparing for the holidays by practicing my Draw Four face.

Infamous gates:

Watergates
Nipplegates
Deflategates
Mattgaetz

Cannibals complaining about microplastics in their food

The lowest ranked door to door salesperson is awarded a knockwurst.

relaxed fit coffins

I put on an orange apron and walked out of Home Depot with 7 barbecue grills

The Russians financed his waterbed.

The Mission Impossible theme plays in my head while I attempt to grab some food while the dog sleeps nearby.