-No, there isn't a town called ''Garbage'' anywhere in England, stop looking at that map. I hate to break this to you, but when our neighbors called you ''King of garbage'' that wasn't a compliment
My train of thought’s more like a hamster wheel.
... my new personals ad:
older widowed male ISO single female chiropractor for LTR with my upper back ...
Can’t go to bed yet. I have to post at least three more bangers to entertain strangers online. It’s very important for me that this happens
Did not really get empty-nester feelings when the kids moved out but the cat moving out may be a different story.
Lieutenant Soto sitting at her desk and saying to Morgan "I feel like I lost track of this conversation before it started". High Potential
When people speak to me before the caffeine hits
Enjoying PepsiCo's new line of biblically accurate breakfast cereals such as Sea of Galilee (lentil puffs w/ real fish flakes) and Centur'n Crunch (galea-shaped barley clusters). Inside each box is a novelty leather strap!
the owl told me everything would be better on Friday, liar
put my symptoms into WebMD and it said I have a really old joke format
"Why the Long Face?": An evolutionary and genetic survey of prominent equine craniofacial features
[25 seconds into marathon]
lol nope
(dragged off in handcuffs)
Dateline: surprisingly, neighbours described him as an obnoxious loudmouth who stuck his nose in everyone's business
Use as directed. Or what you think is best.
When Michelangelo got too old to care for himself, his kids put him in Asistine living.
A gray cat and brown tabby cat lying on a colorful bedspread with all 8 of their paws entwined as though holding hands
Three years ago today I had my first date with someone who has been by my side through good, bad, loss, reconnecting with my family, emotional metamorphosis and is a steadfast companion on my journey to peace and joy.
My life is better and I am better for knowing and loving you. And I am grateful.
how do elephants call each other?
by elephone.
Do you ever not think?
one day is enough of a tolerance break right?
I'm not built for endurance, I'm built for being a sleepy lil guy
Try this bsky.app/profile/bsky...
maybe tomorrow i’ll have that banger i can get rich off selling merch
The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you
Shut the fuck up (politely)
A dark and dreary sky and grassy hill
Painting to kill the *time.
*unrelenting noise in my head
For the low price of of $5 I will text you good morning each day. Add another $5 and I’ll slay your enemies
the jorts whisperer
This day in history. 1921. Sunbury PA police chief Donnie Smith issued an edict requiring women and girls to wear skirts at least four inches below the knees. Told he couldn't issue edicts and questioned about his interest in girls' skirts he launched a speakeasy raid on neighbouring Snydertown.
I left a save under your pillow
My superpower is noticing a typo ten minutes too late.
