Prof. (Evergreen) Oak

I just got Sparxie today (well, yesterday, since it's 3am lol), but have to decide what I want to do with her

a close up of a stuffed monkey wearing a green shirt and blue jeans ALT: a close up of a stuffed monkey wearing a green shirt and blue jeans

People in the office, when I just toss back an Excedrin with no water, are like:

Or, if you randomly were in touch with some rich relative I didn't know about until now, and you found out they were leaving it all to me?

I'm flexible.

Last minute reminder, if anyone was secretly holding out to let me know they wanted to be a sugar daddy so I don't have to return to the office tomorrow, now's the time ✨

Same, and people freak out when I do 🫥

You Wouldn't like Me YouTube video by Tegan and Sara - Topic

Reminds me of:

I guess I can clean up halfway decent when I give it half a thought? 🤷

Hashtag beard problems, when you trim your beard, and for the next day or two afterwards you're in danger of getting a legitimate splinter from your beards stubble being so sharp.

This is based on a true story 🥲

Yeah, the last few years I've had an increasingly visceral reaction to the quantity of advertisements that are being shoved in our faces. It's like, they think that just because we exist they have a right to... well, shove things in our face like that. It's mentally exhausting sometimes 🥲

Hashtag exhausted pigeon status

a person is crossing the street in front of a ford car . ALT: a person is crossing the street in front of a ford car .

Also, how's this?

(that's what she said)

The Simpsons Lisa Simpson GIF ALT: The Simpsons Lisa Simpson GIF

Stop talking sense, that's not the done thing in these cultural times ( 🫶 )

Anyway, in more normal things... Last day before back to the office (and solo, with daycare in the mix 🥲) so focusing on errands, light gaming, adult-oriented things, probable job search, etc. Might make onigiri for the next few days 🍘 (I know that's senbei, so sue me)

So much fun adulting 😌✨🌈

Like, what do you mean this is a pro-life state, but because you're so focused on capitalism I've taken one day of PTO this entire time, have zero paid parental leave, and I have to be back in the office to keep up appearances? I can't even properly take my PTO, because my coworkers can't cover 🫩

I tend to dislike when people only care about something once it affects them, and this isn't specifically that... I always knew it to be the case, but it just stands out more. Just that the Western (US) obsession with being in the office taking precedence over everything else is... just exhausting 🫩

a close up of a white cat with its tongue out . ALT: a close up of a white cat with its tongue out .

There are so many weird sub-fixations in the gay community, and self identifying as a couple, as "your dads", is right up there on this scale:

Maybe a temporary mute, see how it pans out?

You're people, please yourself first (meaning: do it, and don't look back, if it's gotten to blocking point then it's probably for the best lol)

😮 while that's not ok in the slightest, I hope you yourself are ok!

Also, welcome to point / counterpoint, courtesy of my IG feed 😶

Sorry not sorry to the pivot from my usual riveting self (sarcasm) to an increase in baby posts, twas inevitable, yo

a man and a woman are sitting next to each other and the man is blowing smoke out of his mouth . ALT: a man and a woman are sitting next to each other and the man is blowing smoke out of his mouth .

Mr Man: likes his pacifier

Me: oh, so that means you'll keep it in and stay calm? 😌✨

Mr Man: guess again:

Sir, it's 1030PM here, go to bed 😴 haha

I know you just liked that out of courtesy for my unhinged take 😌✨ haha

New pickup line dropped, y'all

General rule of online: most (not all) people are unhinged, and are there for their own enjoyment of their own internal references, not trying to connect. Super fun stuff haha

Both white and black jelly beans are crap.

I will not be taking any feedback or questions.

Bonnie McKee - Bombastic YouTube video by BonnieMcKeeVEVO

Vibes after a 5 hour nap:

🙌