t shirt that says "this sext could have been an email"
11.03.2026 00:34
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t shirt that says "this sext could have been an email"
MY BUS BROKE DOWN
SO I WALK AGAIN.
YER NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN
MY BUS BROKE oh wait its moving again
Lads my princess wife is trying to promote me to king status but I'm really more of a stable boy who got lost on his way to the kitchens
I can't wait to get written up for insubordination or whatever for telling my boss my water broke and then her boss (made my boss make me sign something that violates my contact lol) gets to freak out about pregnancy and other protected statuses while my wife and I are cleaning up after the flood
i understand that im very aggressively duct taping this egg back together but i do NOT have time for this
i can't believe im about to report parking violations jesus fuck i follow no laws but parking on the sidewalk right the fuck THERE is dangerous as hell
DIVORCE!!!?
SHE CALLED ME HER CLOWN HUSMAND
if I start experimenting with hormones when do I need to tell my workplace?? do I just show up one day to a meeting with a shitty teenage boy beard while they continue to ignore my pronouns?????
wife: and movies.
wife: I love movies
me: I love you
wife: I also love you. And movies.
SHE LET ME HIT BECAUSE OF MY rough or clumsy and unintelligent (typically used of a man) MANNERISMS AND BEHAVIOR
my wife: *patting my stomach* "it's ok I still love you, my dairy bigot"
me: "THATS NOT WHAT LACTOSE INTOLERANCE IS"
I don't have a car. If we need LE backup and get told there's "no cars in the area," am I as a county employee allowed to bring up the county Uber pool or is that too bitchy?
Help I accidentally gave my wife the estrogen that turns you into a kitty and now she's on my lap and won't stopakinf biscuits and I gotta go to work =(
Things my wife learned from her dad:
- you are loved.
- you have value as a person.
- the things that make you different are to be cherished and not punished
Things I learned from my dad:
- lick a 9v battery to test charge.
- women can't make good music.
- fix a flat.
LESNIANS KISSING AT MY BUS STOM
NATURE JS HEALING
"so what if I told you the us government once tried that with ICBMs, hon-- honey, NO. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TRAINS. TRAINS ARE *NOT* HORNY."
Noping out of heated rivalry for a minute.
Shamefully coming out to a parent? That parent apologizing? That parent saying they're sorry they made you feel like you feel you had to hide yourself? Forgiveness? Acceptance?
Maybe I will give my father Ties That Bind when we leave. Maybe he'll get it
Lads, I think I'm fuckin depressed
the Literal Worst Thing about my dog is that he loves to lie down in the exact center of my bed and fall asleep there before I can even get comfortable and then can't be arsed to get out of the fucking way
I've only started watching this week (highlights on jme while we have it after the plane years promo) but good god this is wild sumo is like what if wrestling was Actually Real holy ahit
AONISHIKI FUCKIN DID IT HELL YEAH
YOU GO YOU FUNKY LIL WHITE BOY
Archaeologists: D.C. Capitol May Have Once Been Used For Legislating
OH MY GOD SHE'S DROPPING YHE LORE ON ARCDECK MAN HES SUCH A BASTARD LMAOOOOOOOO
I think love might be parallel play.
I'm playing stardew valley and watching ds9 while she talks about mtg in vrc. This is wonderful
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIS MIDDLE NAME IS JORDT?
🎵Come out La Migra goons
In your stumbling platoons
Tell your wives how you ate shit on ice for quotas
Tell her how despite your guns
all you ever did was run
from the cold and frozen streets of Minnesota!🎵
she doesn't have to love the mullet.
she just has to love YOU.
MY WIFE DIDNT KNOW ABOUT TOM HARDYS MYSPACE PHOTOS???? LUCKY 10000
Whelp. A chunk fell off the building.
Again.
if someone walked up to me and told me I've been dead for the past week and a half I can't say Id be happy but it would make sense