I hate clothing tags. I try to avoid them. However, I have a hard time cutting tags off of clothes because it goes against "the rules". Idk why my brain decided to make this a rule. Whether I cut a tag usually depends on how annoying the tag is. It has to be worth breaking the "rule".
Being misunderstood is such a trigger for me. And when somebody doesn’t give me the chance to explain, it's even worse. I wish it didn't make me feel like such shit.
I don't know who Potential Spam is, but they stay blowing up my phone. Like, why are you so obsessed with me?
I'm not very good at upholding boundaries. But what i realized tonight is that not engaging with anyone after 10pm on a work night is a boundary. And you know what? I stand by that.
I woke up this morning full of hope for the day. A half hour later and I was already tired. I have accomplished nothing today, except for taking my son to the trampoline park.
Is it consideration or fear of abandonment? Cause I would love to scream all the thoughts in my head, but I recognize that would be distressing for people.
You know how like certain friends will be like "you can tell me anything", but you know your thoughts are way to disturbing to tell anyone?
I was hungry. I heated up some food. I tried to eat, and immediately lost my appetite. I'm too depressed and dissociated to even eat.
"High functioning depression" is such a stupid term. Cuz yeah I can do dishes and go to work, but at any time I could think, you know what, I should just [redacted].
And by any time, I mean multiple times a day.
I am so done trying to rescue people. I tried. I'm done. You made your choices.
Update: The host has no memory of this conversation. Yes other alters are fronting more, but generally speaking we don't actually know who's in front these days.
I'm so sick of being the strong one.
Sometimes I am extremely intelligent. Sometimes I ask questions like would the air fry basket get less hot if it was white instead of black.
#genius
I hate my brain. Like I'm about to crash out for real because my friend upset me but I'm not allowed to be upset so I've convinced myself that she's actually mad at me. So now I'm trying to make it so she's not mad at me even though she probably isn't and I'm probably just projecting.
🫂 Those of us who have spent a lifetime being strong and masking...no one ever sees through it.
You know when you can feel the depression setting in but you can't do anything to stop it?
Something about comfy shorts and an oversized sweater just brings me so much comfort.
You ever realize which alter you are simply because of how your voice sounds when you talk.
When using a keurig, it's important to put a cup under the coffee dispenser.
#maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitsdissociation
It's possible between Stephanie and our therapist that we've finally gotten through to the host and other alters will be able to front more. We'll see what happens. -Stephanie/Devi
I hate how anger upsets me. Some lady yelled at my son and I got into it with her. I've been crying for an hour because I'm so angry. I wish I could just let it roll off my back.
I was today years old when I found out honeycomb starts out as round but as the bees add to it the structure starts to bend and turns into hexagon.
My flabbers are gasted.
(Please note this is not the most scientific way of explaining this)
Why do phone calls send our nervous system into fight or flight?
Slept until 2:30 today before forcing myself awake. Fatigue has been strong lately.
My sister just helped me plan out my week with my to-do list. We based it on things I can do depending on how I'm feeling each day. I'm a little doubtful because after almost 40 years I still don't have my life together. But we also scheduled check ins and I'm really hoping this strategy works.
I know "just do it" doesn't work with ADHD. But I still yell it at myself as if it's magically going to engage my executive function.
Honestly why am I even here anymore
Nothing like a therapy session that makes you realize how unstable your life is right now. No wonder we're so fucking depressed.
(He did also validate that there probably is something physical going on and it's not just our mental health)
