Sakura Haru

I never thought the day would ever come. But if you asked, my love, the answer would be yes, yes, yes. A million times, yes.

This is truly the worst government in the developed world. It's so heartbreaking to see America in this state. I can't believe I'm seeing fascism in my lifetime.

Why is twitter down? 🥲

But I can’t relate. Life has always been real to me. I have always felt the weight of my parent’s expectations. I always knew that it was do or die for me. So life has always been real for me, even as a child. So yeah

I don’t know. My younger sister the other day told me, life just got real for her recently. Because lately, she’s in a relationship and her and her partner are planning to buy house. They are thinking if they want to settle down and have kids. Yeah, these are all very real decisions.

But I have taken care of my current partner when they were sick. And if they are sick, I do want to be there and take care of them. There’s a huge difference.

My ex had mentioned in the past before when they were sick that they wished I was there so that I could take care of them. But I never wanted to take care of them and I never have. If they were sick, I’d stay away from them.

My ex was sick often and my thought was always, ugh again. Talk to me when you have recovered.
But when my current partner is sick, it does make me worry and have anxiety.

I wasn’t even willing to do this for my ex at one point and they lived 10 mins away from me at that time. Lmao. I remember my ex in the past telling me that they were sick and I just said, what do you want me to do about it? Go see a doctor.

They were sick and all that mattered in that moment was what kind can I do for them? And I was willing to get them meds for them eventhough they lived half an hour away from me. I don’t own a car so I would have to uber my ass there and back. And I was willing to do it for them.

I think I realised that I cared about them alot a while ago. I tried not to notice it but I knew a while back.

I’m so tired of making do. I don’t want to make do. I want to thrive.

My sister keeps saying people make do and I’m just like fuck that.

I don’t know. I don’t know how to tell people that you should care about people around you. I don’t know how to do that.

Also not everything is about you. Like you don’t have kids so good education probably don’t matter to you as you are a single adult. BUT LIKE I SAID, WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY. Good education matters even if it doesn’t personally affect you.

I understand that our govt sucks and paying taxes to them do feel less than ideal. BUT, WE DO HAPPEN TO LIVE IN A SOCIETY. Do you want good healthcare? Do you want the road fixed? Do you want better education? PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES.

Someone I know paid their taxes and apparently it is alot because they have high incomes and so they said, taxation is theft. Oh, that made me so mad.

Will keep trying didn't really want to take on another social media. I need to be off my phone sometimes

My profile pic here really matches my mood because yeah, I’m scowling at the world too.

So no, don’t ignore thinking. Think a little. And then see where the road goes.

I’m not big into planning every detail either. But I do believe you must have the important things ironed out and always be ready to review them because life can change and priorities can also change. Be open to change and be flexible.

And this is the same with life. It’s one small thing after the other. And the next thing you know, everything’s different.

I spent my early 20s going through a financial journey, learning about what matters to me financially and what’s the best methods for me. And I learnt that, it is the small expenses that adds up. It is the small expenses cumulatively that will end you.

Life will lead you to places but if you do not know what’s important,you will be wasting your time and energy on many useless things.I get it.Going with the flow means possibilities is endless. But is that a possibility you want? Do you just want to end up with a life that you did not intend to have

I have a younger sibling who is all about, hey, go with the flow. Don’t think. Don’t stress. Although, I’m not much of a detailed plan person, I do believe in filling up what’s important because life is busy.

Yeah no thanks.

I want to talk to them but at the same time, a huge part of me is tired. It’s so tired. I am so tired. I am done with everyone and everything. From now on, I’ll take care of me. And that’s all that will matter.

What do I do? I am so tired and empty. I am already trying my best by masking and now, I have to deal with it at my own home. I don’t think I have the energy for this. I didn’t realised how upset I am with this but it seems I am very upset.

One of my parents have somewhat stopped masking (Although it’s just outdoors. I’m not so sure about indoors). I have talked in depth with them before of how the world fails me with their ignorance and I’m mad at the world. And to watch them become someone like this breaks my heart.

I saw this coming but it still breaks my heart. No one talks about the grief on all of this. The weight it holds is so heavy.