Seymour Butts

Humanity has jumped the shark. I can’t wait to watch civilization explode in real time.

Daisy, meet the internet. Internet, meet Daisy.

Hear me out on this band name: Estelle Getty War Machine

Does anyone have any tips on what to do when you come home and your girlfriend is being an absolute smoke show but you can’t make a move because she’s a 9-5er? @so-wait.bsky.social

Looks like someone is getting stunnered when I get home

You could not pay me to go to the Italian festival.

Watching DDD and of course those dickheads in Vegas eat pizza with a knife and fork.

It’s a good day to eat two edibles and listen to the rain outside the windows.

When Eye for an Eye comes up on shuffle, you mosh outside on the sidewalk in front of your house so you don’t wake your 9-5 partner.

Need this tattooed on me

What am I supposed to do if I don’t have a cat with thumbs to come home to next week?! 😭

Was wondering why my head hurts so much today and then remembered I did a shot of Malort last night.

That kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN

Very excited to move in with my gf Wednesday and not have to hear some dude talk funny and tell bad dad jokes again.

Is people doing Easter shit the Saturday before a new thing or am I just out of the loop?

Has anybody ever successfully stolen a pet from a former roommate? Wasabi deserves better than fake ass crocodile dundee.

No really, I need a fucking vacation.

Just gotta kick that nasty dope habit

Been a homeless person outside of the school across the street the past two nights. I got a package stolen off my stoop today. Hope she enjoys the clothes iron and short sleeve black button up.

Unless you’re cancelling a hardcore band, I don’t need to see see IG stories of you talking into a camera.

Worst: having to shit while waiting on an uber.

I need a vacation. Somewhere warm where I can drink out of a pineapple or coconut preferred.

I wanna know who the actual fuck is listening to Russel Brand

Can we talk about what an absolute ass beater of a song the DuckTales theme song is?

My chef just told me the first time he got swamp ass in America, he thought he got an STD… AND TRUMP WANTS TO DEPORT THESE PEOPLE?! 🤣

It has truly never been harder to be a Flyers fan.

We need to outlaw people talking to the camera on social media. I’ve never clicked through someone’s IG story faster.

I’m all for people getting sober but the amount of people blaming alcohol on shitty past behaviors seems a bit much lately. Maybe see a therapist too? Just being sober doesn’t make you a good person.

Basically

Fuck