mikey siesta 🐡

Mass Effect. Never played it, always heard good things but damn does that shit feel clunky.

what if i want a labubu but i don't wanna be a man whore

having sex with an auctioneer and they moan entire chapters of erotica in your ear

abandoning my life to start a tiki bar. signature drink will be straight malibu served in a nearly-bursting water balloon.

hi I'm back to say remember to comfort your dogs tonight pls :)

gagnam style ethel cain cover

monsters love having a creator

trust me bro, the lobster of ancient wisdoms said it'll be fine bro

Charlie and the freaklet factory

soft serve brain

battle axe made of amex titanium credit cards

people love passing their baby around like a blunt, no i do not want a hit of parental responsibility even for two minutes

sorry, can't make it tonight. been magically hearing your thoughts all day and ewwww

used the Trader Joe's contact fluid and now I can see through clothes

Give 👏 women 👏 nukes 👏

love when lyft asks if i'm wearing a seatbelt so it can tell me i'm a good boy :)

yeah that's kinda nice! thanks for talking about it, it's interesting to hear about a unique experience like that.

why old water bottles always gotta develop ancient evils before you clean them

going through checkout at Trader Joe's counts as a first date

interesting! does that feel freeing or do you miss it? or is it a mix of both?

very intrigued. how long ago did this happen? is this a permanent change?

today's wordle was the last straw. i'm storming the new york times. i will find the wordle editor and strangle all the fake ass words out of their lungs until there are no more left. you don't have to thank me, im just doing what has to be done.

im spiraling in crashouts you couldn't dream of

dnd character painting. back on my nerd shi

put two ugly french dudes together and instantly they start making really good electronic music, it's just a law of the universe

just be warned it's an orgy in there, you gotta dodge a lot of libido to get to the snacks

need me a girl with mandibles big enough to rip my head off if I don't treat her right

if we suddenly had a galactic society, connected to other planets and aliens all over, I wouldn't have human sex ever again, FUCK that, there's a whole galaxy to discover, I need MANDIBLES

i'd be fuckin those aliens from Arrival til they're moanin crazy circles on the wall