caden cockburn

donnie darkness teacher can eat it

jacks and a red ball

using a jackwipe to polish these bad boys off

im going to name my next pet Caden so we can have something to talk about

this new marvel inspired Mario 64 mod has us totally bricked up — pledge to our patreon to see the raw footage of our live crotch monitors

in Simpsons season 43 we will see principal skinner reveal he is Bart’s real father and it will allow for future episodes where bart can now be paired with homer as an appropriate romantic interest

my app lets me know if anyone in the area is wearing meta glasses or has a full diaper

what was the point of the Goof Troop? did they prevent any wars? did they ever peacefully intervene? I find it hard to believe that what I’m asking is unpopular

paging the egg secretary 😄

the sphinxification of mount rushmore (add four cat bodies to the back of the mountain)

the wiggles were originally called the flexibles

my lawyer was wrong about nephew-uncle confidentiality laws in california

the 12 year old genius had wordfluency with mathspeak but had nocomprendium with languamatics

remake adam sandler’s Click but instead of a remote he gets a magic gun from walmart and has to shoot people to rewind/pause time

my bar The Sanguine Boner is being targeted online by an army of Yelp bots claiming that our signature golden ice cubes are clearly made of frozen piss

every young person should try out the humble ant

old yeller had the opposite of plot armor

man holding a flower and expressing "i love u"

leo luster (aka bluster kong) from the donkey kong show (this particular picture is from a smash ultimate mod i think)

bluster kong will return we just have to be patient

the worst tesla feature is the release spikes button is no longer physical—it requires tapping through two menus on the screen. this makes it ridiculously dangerous to release spikes on my pursuers while driving

in the original script when kevin dropped the chili a newborn baby spilled out and imprinted on dwight

and it grants +1 fidelity to the lucky couple

cellophaning individual grains of rice and giving them out to marathon runners

the hyper-diarrhea epidemic has hit the western seaboard and we’re going to have to wear controversial masks on our butts

use code FASTMILLION26 at checkout

i’m finally sponsored

it’s good luck to give birth in a Planet Beauty

reoccurring nightmare where mister krabs is my boss sexually harassing me and right before I wake up I look down at my hands and they’re bright yellow

me: ive seen your type before. quick, but unable to match a gentlemen’s pace. im a different breed you see. discerning in nature yet chaotic in action. reliably familiar yet truly unpredictable. a modern half-breed of camelot knight and eastern ninja. the golden confluence of mankind

me: Stand down or face my flambe, crow. (New girl smiles as she has found a hero amongst scoundrels)

bully: what did you say, pipsqueak?
(he takes a step towards me but it’s already over. I sweep his legs out from under him and snag the his lunch money straight out of the air)

me: like clockwork

won’t play yoshi’s island because the concept of a male babysitter is perverse and fundamentally wrong