Natalie

Imagine hating me and I’m just in my room trying to figure out which side of the garbage bag is the opening

There’s not enough guys who call everyone Jack anymore.

Niles just proposed to Daphne I need tissuessss!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe try, oh I don’t know, using the fucking flash on your phone?????

Me on the dance floor with a baddie -

Yeah oscillate that shit, girl!

Mhhm

Just made small talk and giggled with the check out lady because we disagreed about a Portillos salad and said things like “two each their own!” and “that’s what makes the world go round!”

Life is very beautiful.

Handsomest boy Woobie

*Andrea Bocelli plays a teensy too loud in background*

Using *protection

*the bumpers while bowling

I’m *flexing on these hoez

*folding my laundry

When you put something in the microwave for one minute do you press 1-0-0 or 6-0??????

Determined to find love at this DMV.

I’ve only been called Nat instead of Natalie in the last few years of my life. Before that was when I was little before I carried the weight of judgment of people over me. I’d like to think it’s bc I’ve finally found people who make me feel comfortable enough to be childish and silly around again.

I do appreciate that Cadbury still airs their 1994 commercial of all the different animals auditioning to be the new spokesbunny.

Helped dad move a Pepsi mini fridge up the stairs so we had to switch the crocs into SPORT MODE.

Learned about these during my first internship after 40 mins of licking envelopes my manager checked in and I said it’s going well but my stomach hurts and she very disappointedly asked if I’ve been licking all of the envelopes and then showed me I could’ve been using the moistener the whole time 🙃

Olympian woman are literally the most beautiful people in the whole world oh my god. Ladies, I am aggressively single.

I fear I’ve been cursed in life lately and I just want to remind the universe I’m a pretty decent person who’s fairly apologetic about the dumb shit I’ve done/said. I’ll even provide you with a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, hair as yellow as corn, and a slipper as pure as gold OK?!?!

BRISKET NOOOOOO

Sometimes I worry that whenever I let my hair grow long to be all one length it makes me look like a member of the Manson family.

😘😘😘

Serving in a really big way tonight btw

I’m like if a cat was raised by dogs

When I wash my face and the water slides updown to my elbows I want to commit crimes about it

I haven’t been serving enough cunt lately.

Do you think dumbbells ever get sad for always being called dumb? Have we maybe tried getting to know them a little better? Hear what they have to say hhmmm??

Uber driver and I have just been quoting SpongeBob back and forth the entire time. 5 stars big time.

Am I doing it right??? 🙂

All I need is like two hours, Bob Seger’s greatest hits so loud I can’t hear my thoughts, and an indoor gymnasium all to myself.