Bexiita Pole

With every year I age, a bit more of the veneer chips away and more of the sea hag within emerges.

Teach a man to fish and he’ll eventually claim he just always had that knowledge innately and then try to explain to you how fishing works

This is just me and @bexiita.bsky.social after a perfectly normal book club evening

When I was 6, I died for 43 seconds before being resuscitated by paramedics. An angel appeared, and told me I was destined for greatness. Today I ate a rotisserie chicken with my hands in the grocery store parking lot

Names I have been called so far in my coat:

Sir pimpsalot
LL Cool Bex
Bexzibit

It’s my 49th birthday today and I got my period so def still not menopausal 💥

If you want to know what compering feels like, imagine trying to hold 200 thoughts simultaneously in your head, then trying to cross the M25, in pleasers, while a clock counts down, as you try to get everyone’s name right and try not to offend anyone with your goofy jokes. Also the M25 is on fire.

look, all i’m saying is if your packaging says “tear here” and i tear there it should open the packaging

I haven’t changed my knickers since last year

2025 and still no flying car

Books read: 43
Countries visited: 4
Concerts: 3
Major surgeries: 2
Major Pole events hosted: 5
Photo shoots: 5?
Children becoming adults: 2
Times I got stoned with my daughter: 1

in canada we don’t have new year’s, we just keep using the old one. we’re not wasteful like some other countries i could name.

I hope your New Year’s resolution is to fuck all the way off.

As we close 2024, I want to remind everyone that men can be leaders too even though so many of them have proved otherwise this year. Let's keep giving them unlimited chances

After hearing how eating too much sugar and carbohydrates affects the human body I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to

What an honour it would be to run a sex-shop in a former Little Chef in the middle of nowhere on the A1.

Omg I forgot til I saw your name, you were in my dream! We had loads of margaritas then you were sick but it was like a tidal wave of sick that covered the floor and I was like “oh no, her mum will kill me” 🤣

Hope all you girlies have your pre going out poo so you feel great for tonight 🙏

Me: Eats 42,000 calories. Has one short walk. Yep. That’ll sort it.

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

The best time of the year for me is the week before Christmas when I close my bedroom door and shout DON’T COME IN HERE! and everyone just assumes I’m wrapping gifts instead of wanting to be left alone.

I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.

I’m drinking cranberry margaritas exclusively this holiday season to stay holly, jolly, and UTI-free.

Say what you will about Ebenezer Scrooge but his pajama game was on another level. You can hate the man, but you can't hate that nightgown/cap/slippers/candle combo. Straight-up cozy.

Happy Christmas you stunning stacks of fucking sunshine

Slept like a log last night (half-submerged in a pond, covered in moss)