Big Money Tim (A real Tim and a real human being)

Best line. The one that makes me laugh just thinking about it is taking a dump in the display toilet

This is the one I showed my ten year old to explain Jackass

A girl holds hands with a pikachu, and says, "pikachu, we will do it, we will electrocute timothée chalamet". The pikachu replies, "yes master".

It must be done.

Apple News for you headline : causes of Micropenis

Why is Apple News roasting me

🩷 ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴇꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ! 🩷

I also lost my shit at tinking the bottom of the glass. I am very high right now

An otezla ad dropping immediately following the otezla parody on SNL did get a bark laugh from me

YOU - Suffering will only make me stronger.

ENDURANCE - It's probably this way of thinking that got you where you are.

From experience, this “hard” conversation takes like 3 minutes and what does “ready for it “ even mean??? My kid had a friend with two dads before he could keep his ass still in a movie theater for 90 minutes.

The Netflix movie where Reacher fights a Metal Gear does exactly what it says on the tin

sorry kid, thems the breaks. Post F in the chat to pay respects to Emily...

oh we're going down there?

does that 10 hours doesn't include all the time I see a dark hallway or hear a noise and pause the game to do literally anything else for 10 minutes

Soak? It's 5% tax over a billion. Math is ignoring stepped tax rates, but basically like if you made 2 billion last year you'd keep 1.9 billion. You could put all that into a 3.4% savings account and buy a private island at the end of the year just off the interest and still have millions left over

I’m sorry Grace, you don’t want to try a mathematical max of 6 attempts to guess the characters of a braille password? We need to go get the creepy blind child out of her isolation cell, drag her through a zombie hell, and hope she doesn’t burrow into the walls and start eating people like her twin?

My dad brought me home a mogwai one Christmas in real life but it fell asleep on his engine block and got pulled into the timing belt

Please keep an eye out

Definitely early one of those Resident Evil main bad guy disease. Not a Wesker, but one where you look like 400 lb 7 foot tall crypt keeper wearing flood damaged matrix clothes with steam punk accessories

That graffiti is more bad ass than this, but it reminded me there's a Witcher book where Ciri lures a bunch of dudes out onto the ice because they know she can fight like a witcher but not that she's a trained figure skater

I assume Victor Gideon’s jacket is made of the snake from RE1

I feel like the staff should have asked more questions about their boss: the seven foot tall mad scientist made out of rotting meat

Not a fan of this big lady. Sorry to show my heterosexuality, but this is a major downgrade in big lady aesthetics.

Mr and Mrs Meechee

me every single day

I screamed and ran around the room in RE 2 when a licker crawled past a window. I am not built for the Grace sections of this game.

RE9 experience so far: spooky guy waiting for me like “I knew you’d come” when he’s clearly been sneaking around for the last 15 minutes slamming doors, knocking shit over, and doing haunted house bullshit to freak me out for no
goddamn reason

There’s precedent for war criminal apologists also being charged as war criminals

Speak for yourself

saw a digital billboard on the hwy only saying it is illegal to interfere with Feds so uhhh... seems a little ominous Atlanta