Bryan

Muppet Les Mis, Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean, would make TRILLIONS.
#kermitmarius

an Ides of March situation couldn’t happen today because 40 senators could never agree on something.

does anyone else’s kids eat dinner, and then become psychopath amateur parkour enthusiasts, shaking the whole house with screams and thumps until it’s time to argue about bedtime? asking for a friend.

Marshmallows are for team players, Dylan.

also, Steve Bartman’s butthole probably unclenched for the first time in decades. #iykyk

Yankee fan making a lot of noise about that fan interference.. i dunno sounds like some kind of curse to me. 😏

ADHD hyperfocus is wild because you decide to google one thing & then suddenly 4 days have gone by and you are an expert on the migration patterns of penguins.

as a neurodivergent, i wanna publicly apologize for when you pick up your phone with 19 texts from me, but it’s just me hitting send after every comma in my sentence. if it helps, me talking to you means that you are deep in my social bubble and it’s like a members only sitch, so, we tight.

If you can't identify RFK Jr. as a howlingly obvious do-not-make-eye-contact kook then you shouldn't be allowed out of the house. You will get pickpocketed by a dachshund.

::republicans looking up from their cocaine:: HUNTER BIDEN DID COCAINE!

Pepper. my doggo.

i hear @darthbluesky.bsky.social i having fun looking at our doggos. here is my 12 year old muppet Pepper. she’s a good girl.

my wife’s car was recalled today, and we got a letter saying bits of metal could shoot thru the airbag and kill us, but there are no replacement parts available, so sit tight, we’ll let you know. meanwhile, roll the dice i guess?

For decades, right-wingers told us same-sex marriage would lead to a war on Christianity.

7 years after marriage equality, the consequences have been so boring that Republicans literally had to make up a case where they imagined they were victimized to justify more bigotry.

Atlanta resident checking in to say lol, this OP has never been to atlanta, it’s neither lawful, nor neutral in any way.

[God making soup]

ANGEL: so I need hot water & then I can add literally anything else to it?

GOD: yup

ANGEL: tomatoes?

GOD: tomato soup

ANGEL: a chicken?

GOD: chicken soup

ANGEL: an Italian wedding?

GOD: [taking bong rip] Italian wedding soup

to the window to the wall, Chris.

there’s something so bleak about the Court announcing that discrimination against LGBT people in accommodations is functionally legal, and then while you’re processing that they take ten thousand dollars from you

yeah, but is Kamala on board? we can’t wait till 2028.

Me, Sonic the Hedgehog looking mad af

Hey it's me, Sonic the Hedgehog!

Fuck the Supreme Court!

anyone here on Goodreads?
https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/126164521

i’m hungry for more friends that read a lot.

fuck nazis

fucking Nazi’s were trolling my neighborhood synagogue yesterday. swastikas out, burning Israeli flags, picking fights. half a mile from my front door. my WWII vet grandfather is rolling in his grave.

y’all, we aren’t really calling them “skeets” are we?

even he meant grammatically it’s not well said.

in soviet russia, ground floor comes to you!

do we think, in Russia, when people are saying their goodbyes casually, someone will throw in a “don’t stand next to any 3rd floor windows!” and everyone chuckles and they go?

there’s always money in the banana stand.

the holy trinity of dumb fuck

is this the new twitter yet?