Jenn Bianchi

Who do I contact to become the Mayor of FunkyTown?

I need more people in my life to read Dungeon Crawler Carl.

Someone just corrected me on their proper pronouns… in a dream.

I must be without saving from the woke virus. Ah, nuts.

2nd year in a row my top two artists are Taylor Swift and OutKast.

Inside of me are two wolves… and they both have exquisite music tastes.

Welcome to National Post Turkey Day Refrigerator Tetris Day.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Hi. Friendly reminder… Big Box Blackout begins today and goes till Dec 2nd. If you are able please use your dollars at local establishments. Avoid big retailers!

Things are NUTZ in Raleigh.

Good thing The Rialto has humor about it.

Me high as a kite at the airport. “Ooh, we’re here early I could get a travel buzz.”

My husband: “Don’t you already have a travel buzz?”

Me: “No. I have a regular buzz. Travel buzz includes booze.”

Lady next to us in TSA “Facts.”

Today feels like a good day to get drunk on a patio.

Thought I had a mole on my arm… it was a sequin from a green party dress I tried on last night.

What a way to wake up… it’s not cancer, but you are nearly blind.

Vertigo, a new symptom of perimenopause. It feels like middle aged Pokémon…. Gotta collect ‘em all.

No, I don’t remember phone numbers, birthdays, or doctor appointments. My brain power is strictly reserved for 90’s Hip Hop lyrics.

Espresso martinis are just Red Bull and vodkas for grown ups.

So… is Miles Davis just jam band music for people that drink Hot Tea?

Today I got to take a surprise backstage tour at the NC Crime Lab. I now know how they get finger prints off dead bodies….. it’s not how you’d think.

Just got a Senior Citizens discount at the Harris Teeter.

I don’t know if that’s a “Thank you” or an “F-u”.

Good news: Teen overdoses are way down.

Bad news: Kids today are f’n lame.

Happy PRIDE!

Be Gay. Do Crimes.

Sometimes, when I wear a cute and comfortable outfit I think to myself “This wouldn’t be a bad outfit to die in. I could spend eternity in this jumpsuit…. Ooh, it has pockets!”

Calling it “Comfy Nihilism”

I girl bossed too hard… now I’m in charge and I don’t like it.

Can someone please send a more “adulty” adult to take my place?

Part three. I like smoking weed… and that song is like a metaphor… or something.

Part two. Ben Harper messed up by cheating on Laura Dern. Lesson… we all make mistakes. And that’s ok.

Part one: Getting up early for church is stupid. Just stay in bed.

Why I stopped going to church and made Ben Harper’s “Burn One Down” my religion.

An essay in three parts:

To all the crows… hey gurl. Wanna peanut?

Excuse me… whomever is in charge…. I’d like to live in the world of Animal Crossing. NOT Animal Farm.

Thank you.

The WORST???? How dare you. We will fight this out…. Tomorrow.

And yes…. Delighted to be real life friends!

I’m sad. Maybe this whole box of Caramel Delights will solve it.

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to explain to my family they should care about others…

They f’n taught me that. Now what?

Is it too early in this presidency to start day drinking?