Thunderous Prophet

It's weird how as soon as oil prices go up, gas goes up, but when oil prices fall we're told that there will be a delay because that oil hasn't been processed yet.

Daughter won the draw for Savannah Banana Banana Ball tickets in Eugene. Jealous.

Apparently Whiskey Pete is upset over unflattering photos of him and revoking press privileges.... Seems very snowflakey.

Dear Amazon: I'll pay extra to never see a promo or suggestion to watch the First Whore's movie ever again.

I'm guessing Markwayne became a plumber because he's so full of shit.

Tax plan idea: 0% up to 1.5x the poverty rate. (e.g. poverty rate is $30k? $45k tax free.) Every bit of income above 1.5x poverty rate is taxed at 12%. Income (salary, interest, profit on stock sales, etc) of $145k (in above example)? $12k tax. Income of $1,045,000? $120k tax.

Imagine if Iranian sleeper cells just started lobbing grenades into power substations or just dropped a shit ton of nails in front of tanker trucks.

Giving blood at Vitalant in Folsom, California. You get snacks!!

Give Blood, Get Snacks, Save A Life

With the latest jobs report and revisions of the previous two, I'm guessing BLS will need a new chief soon.

Susan Collins is very concerned that she just approved the death of many more people. She is definitely going to take this under advisement.

Optimism in your 20s: taking multiple condoms on a date.

Optimism in your 50s: putting the ibuprofen on the lowest shelf.

Iran is one of the teams that's already qualified for the World Cup. That's gonna be awkward.

I think they're just not voting for anything Chalamet is in to keep it rolling.

Ordering.

If he's around I'm sure he'll again wonder at why he's not getting the Peace Prize.

A piece of exercise equipment abandoned on the side of the road.

Choices were made.

I'll bet Schumer and Jeffries are currently drafting their deeply concerned tweets. And related fund-raising emails.

Trump's cover-up is breaking open. The entire ‘Epstein class’ in danger. Meanwhile the president is safe in his executive suite.

A THREAD.

Color me skeptical.

Hey, tip here: If you're pouring little, tiny mustard seeds from a flimsy, shitty bag into a better container, do that over the sink.

How I know this is not important.

He may need to be rebooted.

ceceonthescene: #PedoFührer #Epstein #f'djt

Spoiler: The fact check article of the SOTU is longer than the speech.

Watch the State of the Union? I'm more likely to perform my own vasectomy. Without anesthetic. Using a spork. A dull spork. A dull, plastic spork. With my left hand. Standing up. In a hammock. On a boat. A small boat. At high seas.

So he's back on thinking he can help the people of Greenland again?

Daughter: You can find estate sales on Facebook Marketplace.
Wife: Ooooh!
Me: I think I should disinherit you for that.

So, the companies that raised prices to handle the tariffs they had to pay, they're gonna drop prices now, right? Right!?!?

I heard something use the phrase 'combating the disease with benefits' and my brain jumped to equivocating that with 'friends with benefits' and then I tried to figure out what disease had casual sex involved.... Turns out they were having fund-raising benefits.

I keep getting ads for a belt with a 100-year guarantee. I'm not even certain I'm going to make it to the expiration date of the milk I bought last week.

I have apparently taught my phone to suggest 'Mussolini' for the next word every time I type Mango.