malmo malmo 👉 MFF

This Postman Situation is CONCERNING

NORMALIZE IMPREGNATING YOUR BROS
NORMALIZE TURNING THAT 6 PACK INTO A LITTER OF 6
NORMALIZE CUMFLATING THAT CHISELED GUT
NORMALIZE MAKING YOUR BRO A MOTHER

That looks gross

What the heck is spring mix

My first aid kit at home consists of:
-box of Paw Patrol Band Aids
-box of Bluey Band Aids
-bottle of Neopsporen in which the cap is cemented shut
-travel-size bottle of Tums that expired in 2018
-singular tiny green pill of unknown origin in a Ziploc bag
-dental floss
🤔🤔🤕

Also running off zero hours of sleep last night 💀

Today:
-fired delivery driver for racist, sexist AND homophobic remarks
-other delivery driver mauled by a German shepherd, went to ER
-customer screamed at me over the phone because delivery taking forever (because of dog)
-still have 3 hours left 🥲

Where tf my girlfriends at I need yall to come over and kill a bottle of wine with me and just talk about shit

Actually genocide LMAO

I still refer to my normie friend group as my normie friends but half of them are furries and more than half of them are not straight and idk what else to call them

HOW THE HELL DOES A MF FORGET TO PUT ON UNDERWEAR AND NOT REALIZE TIL THEY BEEN CLOCKED IN FOR OVER AN HOUR 💀💀💀💀💀

I already fucked up, 2026 will be my year 💪

Don’t let them keep you down

HAHA IM AT WORK AND I SIGHED BECAUSE IM TIRED AND MY GENERAL MANAGER ASKED “malmo why do you keep whining like a sad puppy” BECAUSE I AM A SAD PUPPY 😭😭😭

i can fix him

Had a dream I was in high school and the teacher (who was wearing a Mario onesie) asked the class “what do you guys think of bowser” to which I silently took out and put on a beanie that had embroidered bowsers face and “use me”

My biggest takeaway from cons is if I see something in the dealer’s den/artist alley that I’m on the fence about getting, get it right away because it’ll most likely be sold out by the time I decide I really want it

malmo is making his first ever con debut at #MFF2024 right now!!!!! If you see me say hi and we can share a big cheez-it!!!!

OH MY GOD IM HERE WHERE IS EVERYONE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Only packing the essentials for the con

I just slipped at work and ripped my piercing a little wider and it won’t stop bleeding lol

I am once again at the yearly dilemma of should I take advantage of black friday/cyber monday deals or save my money for mff 🤔

Skeets

Happy thanksgiving to everyone who matches my freak on deviled eggs, the rest of you can have a miserable turkey day for all I care 😈🥚😈

Jerked off 4 times today and I’m STILL horny any suggestions? 🙏 🍆 💦

We’ll circle back to that

:3

:3

I don’t have the good-at-math autism or the kind that makes you obsessed with trains or anything cool I have the autism that makes you stay up until 3 in the morning playing fucking Yandere Simulator killing/dismembering all 86 students and faculty and sorting their body parts into piles

everyone knows you always get the best sleep when you blow a big fat load just before you conk out 🍆💦😴

commission for @bernerbro.bsky.social