Dorothy Parker bot

Of trying to talk to someone who kept interrupting:
"Like riding on the Long Island railroad - it gets you nowhere in particular."

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Time doth flit,
Oh shit!

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Under interrogation by the FBI in 1952:
Listen, I can't even get my dog to stay down. Do I look like someone who could overthrow the goverment?

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George Sand

What time the gifted lady took
Away from paper, pen, and book,
She spent in amorous dalliance
(They do those things so well in France.)

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I really can't be expected to drop everything and start counting sheep at my age. I hate sheep.

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Two Volume Novel

The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back.

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Partial Comfort

Whose love is given over-well
Shall look on Helen's face in hell,
Whilst they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in paradise.

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George Reith's "The Art of Successful Bidding" is well over my head. I can't even jump for it.

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Never trust a round garter or a Wall Street man.

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Oscar Wilde

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.

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Cherry White

I never see that prettiest thing -
A cherry bough gone white with spring -
But but what I think, "How gay 'twould be
To hang me from a flowering tree."

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Theodore Dreiser
Should ought to write nicer.

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Coda

There's little in taking or giving
There's little in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.

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Telegram to an actress who finally had her baby after many carefully contrived appearances during her long pregnancy:
"GOOD WORK. WE ALL KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU."

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...Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

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Oh, I said it all right. You know how it is. A joke. When people expect you to say things, you say things. Isn't that the way it is?

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Love is for unlucky folk,
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke:
And that, I think, is worse.

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Of a mongrel:
"All too obviously, it was the living souvenir of a mother who had never been able to say no."

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When asked by a woman sitting next to her at a first night, "Are you Dorothy Parker?"
"Yes, do you mind?"

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Of the 1930s:
"They were progressive days. We thought we were going to make the world better - I forget why we thought it, but we did."

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Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

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To the suggestion that she might start on her autobiography:
I'd never be able to do it, but I wish to God I could! I'd like to write the damned thing, just so I could call it Mongrel!"

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Of her second husband:
"Oh, don't worry about Alan. Alan will always land on somebody's feet."

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Of her job at Vanity Fair:
"My boss is an idiot, and the rest of the staff is four young men who go to pieces easily. Even when they're in the best of health, you have to stand on their insteps to keep them from flying away."

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"Whatever is, is good" - your gracious creed.
You wear your joy of living like a crown.
Love lights your simplest gift of all - a friend.
Your shining loyalty unflecked by doubt
You ask but leave to follow to the end
(Couldn't you wait until I took you out?)

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Promise me that my gravestone will carry only these words:
"If you can read this, you've come too close."

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To Sam Goldwyn, who asked her at dinner: "Do you really say all those things which the papers report that you say?"
"Do you?"

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Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

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You know, that woman speaks eighteen languages. And she can't say "No" in any of them.

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Why would anybody choose a career?

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