things can only go downhill from here
27.06.2025 11:43
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things can only go downhill from here
i spent the day with a close friend for the first time. i jokingly considered taking a motorcycle back home because it was cheaper(i live an hour away), and she said "i dont want u to die after we just met!"
and i thought to myself, "wow. i guess my plans are sort of canceled..."
feels as if im slipping
FUCKING COOK
having dirty thoughts
some people will never get the feeling of wind blowing on your face and messing your hair, as you overlook a long drop from the railing of a bridge. theyll never understand the thrill of being one step away of it being over
its a really selfish thought, and it know its very inconsiderate. but after feeling this way for so long i can feel nothing but bitterness for these kinds of people. so simple and easy...........
talking about general issues to certain people pissess me off sometimes. i see these fucking normies say the most edgy shit, and all i can think is, "none of you have ever understood what despair from the heart feels like and it shows"
the thought of "there is no one who will ever empathize with you" struck me really hard and it has never made me feel so lonely before. i only know like 2 people who could probably understand how i feel but ugh. im not the kind of person to open up
i dont know. i feel like something clicked in my head
cool fact: forest and aks design used to be from my sonas specific weapon gears. they both... used to be my sonas?? in a way
its 3am. im still so miserable over today. im going to draw forest impregnating ak as a coping method
can my mom just leave me alone ohmfg im going to burst into tears
i seriously need to calm the fuck down. i have so much shit to worry about and i just. holy shit
one track to associate AK alot with? this song. very nice. its in rus though youd have to find the original pv if you want the lyrics
youtu.be/el_9_e6DoHw?...
im surprised! i hope you like the loser rock stuff in there HAHAH
something on the side- i made a playlist of the type of stuff ak and her band would play. theyre all losers btw so expect half of the songs to be like that
open.spotify.com/playlist/5Sx...
ouuuggyh .... my stomach acid though... i need to stop drinking coffee without eating
mmmm morning. (its 1am). i dont think theres food i can cook thats mine downstairs, so i think im just gonna ball through today with some coffee
being emotional is so tiring i wanna go to sleep already
because im so desperate to be good at something in life. but fuck all i guess
its the despair of being unable to fight off these thoughts, because i know that even if people think my art is good, *I* dont. its not good enough, its never good enough and no matter how hard i try ill always keep thinking "man this is not enough" and it turns into an obsession
theres this grief i feel whenever i think about it. i hate comprehending this kind of hurt that affects your being; it pulls and tugs at your chest and it makes your throat feel tight as you think, "why do i feel this way?" it cant stop, and it just keeps on going
i already struggle with being "not good enough" in my day to day life, and now this mindset is being plagued into my hobby of drawing and it hurts, it hurts so much
so admittedly im a little glad that there are people who like my stuff, even if its different than alot of art you see in the community
my style is rough, sketchy, and practically unfinished most of the time. its sharp and its full of edges and no matter how hard i try, it will always have an edge to it; unfriendly
ive talked about this before but one of my biggest insecurities is that my art style is too rough for something like splatoon. you see so many artists with this sort of cutesy look? soft and round. full of color too. then you see mine.... π¬
maybe ill let more people in once i clean everything up π either that or ill make separate channels so its a little more tidy