Noor ☭ Obi-Wan Cannoli 🔻

Me *drunk* “im a good Christian girl”
GF “no ur not, ur a Bad Muslim girl”

Baba “wat did u do for the superbowl!”
Me “I … read the … bible. A lot”
Baba “you re- wait ur a Muslim- oh you just did a bunch of cocaine didn’t you”
Me
Baba
Me “uh so… you been following the Orioles this season?”
Baba “I think they need some of that cocaine you speak of” 💀

If you use the force you can train dragons or whatever george rr lucas said

Re-watching The Good Place again like, just give Mindy St Claire* some cocaine, she’s been so patient 😭

*me

U mean a guy what went to mclean high school then ODU then joined the army & got arrested for trying to join Daesh got out of prison & did terrorism for Shia Iran?

In similar news, i have incredible beachfront property to sell you sight unseen in Tuscan Arizona if ur interested

Fortune Feimster playing a beaver in Zootopia 2 is some A+ casting. I fuckin love her.

INCREDIBLE 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Reading the comment section of literally any post on twitter, FB, threads, etc like. Oh my god I cant BELIEVE we let these ppl fucking vote 😭

Not “mansion world” coming up on shuffle when im 6 beers in & @panquakes.bsky.social isn’t even here to be Loud About It with me 😭

I have never seen my baba so ready to join his family in disowning me till he took us to a George Thorogood concert 3 yrs ago & my drunk ass ran to the front row screaming “I LOVE YOU DADDY” (to that white man) & flashing my tiddies.

For the first time ever, my baba was right.

Me being terrible at RDR “o yeah that’s fair i suck at Real Gamer vidya games”
Me after that ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN DICK LICKIN FUCKIN ASS SHARK KILLS ME AGAIN 4 DAYS IN A ROW FUCK THIS SHARK in Dave The Diver “ok maybe i just… suck”

Sean (trying to explain soccer leagues to my dumb ass) “ok so, say that that- god forbid- ur british”
Me “ew”
Sean “no no bear with me”

Scene from Clerks, Randall saying “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers”

Playing Dave The Diver & working at the sushi restaurant by night as the only waiter after catching these mfs fish all day & still getting yelled at

SHE SHOULD BE!!!!! One day when i’m 3-D printer rich im making a fitz snack holder.

EXACTLY because the truth of the matter implicates them, blaming it on The Debul like the mom in waterboy absolves them of the patriarchal capitalist violently anti-woman system they created & still endorse.

Living in some states is so infantilizing, like what do you MEAN I can’t buy alcohol after 9pm or at the 7/11, i’m fucking 42 years old.

“And and and then they’re eating the babies for satan” oh my god they’re raping & killing children, is that not enough??? Can you freaks TRY to exist in reality???

There is enough evil shit in the Epstein files without you conspiratorial crosshumpers making shit up because ur mad that it wasn’t just ur political enemies in the files. Can you ppl PLEASE try to exist in reality if you want to be allowed to exist in the future.

Donate to Help Julie Nease with Medical Expenses, organized by Desiree' Nease What started as serious health problems has turned into daily pain, emergency ro… Desiree' Nease needs your support for Help Julie Nease with Medical Expenses

Trying to help my sister out with her med bills. Thanks anyone that will share.

Mansion World fuckin changed my brain chemistry 💀💀💀

Happy women’s day to all women including my wife the Edmund Fitzgerald.

“Come onnnn dad I’ve been being so good”

After 40 days of fasting in the desert Jesus was tempted with the offer of just playing a little bit of Skyrim, like, an hour tops

I got deep in to a Christian-Catholic debate theology thread about Jesus experiencing all it means to live as human & someone was like “well he never played Skyrim” 😭😭😭😭

Bruh i didn’t know it was daylight savings & I’ve been up tossing & turning for an hour & checking my watch. Then I gave up on sleep & turned my phone on & almost panicked thinking I lost an entire hour just sitting up in bed 💀 oh noor, u pothead, time isn’t even real.

as a kid my dad teased me for loving the ewoks bc "of course you like the teddy bears" and I said "dad those teddy bears helped take out a galactic empire using sticks and stones" and he never did it again lol

Text message “Im the perfect level of crossfaded & so fucking madly in love with my gf & in an amazing mood sooo warning i will probably convince u to make bad financial decisions; yes im a bad influence when im furious,, but an even worse influence when im in an amazing mood”

this is just good Noor advice in general

MaShaAllah 🙏🏼🥰

its always phunny in sillydelphia

Before i pass out

Everything I said while drinking is the most honest OR the most dumbest I’ve ever been- I either vehemently stand by it OR reject it with levels of humiliation that I’ll remember at 4am forever.
As usual its on u to figure out which is which.

Enjoy Suffering