Weirdly inspiring

usually if you ask experts why an empire fell they’ll say it’s nuanced and multifaceted, so i think it’s kind of cool that with America future historians will get to just say like “oh they took the idiot train to moronsville”

“Bolth”

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be supportive. Say stuff like, “Nice battling, dude.”

bird diplomacy isn't in the bible

A very 1980s woman holds hot dogs in each hand one of which she’s taking a bite out of. She has a purple ribbon in her hair and green wrapped around sunglasses that look like the visor of Cyclops from the X-Men. She says, “Any way you slice it, it leaves you lonely! You just want so bad for somebody to want you!” To her left, a left hand is held up as if to make her stop talking and the person attached to that hand says, “DESIRE! HMPH! It’s the root of EVERYTHING in this universe! Ever since I learned of this thing desire, I’ve had nothing but pain, grief, and trouble!“

if you're an older person who finds words like mogg and maxxing annoying, just starting using them. people over the age of 30 have the superpower to end trends by simply adopting them

Happy birthday to one of my favourite haters, Charles Darwin

THE CASE OF THE STUTTERING PIG (1937)

Younger generations don't realize how influential The Beatles were. The guitar didn't exist before The Beatles invented it. Songs didn't have lyrics before Paul McCartney wrote Hey Jude. Music used to be a bunch of guys in a field, clapping rocks together and yelling "Shaw! Shaw!" up at the sun.

“and then this motherfucker puts a FEATHER in his CAP, and you are not gonna believe what he called that shit. guess. just fuckin guess.”

good morning ☀️ i hope you
are happy, and if you are not that
it is only temporary. may we work
toward a better., okay? good :D

destroy what makes your good time
bad! enjoy the computer and be

When you boil it down to its most basic elements, Scooby Doo and the gang were essentially freelance insurance fraud investigators.

Morning.

The USPS posting a NINE BILLION DOLLAR LOSS!!! sounds terrible. Certainly worse than if you said "USPS costs thirty dollars per person per year" even though that means the same thing and more accurately describes a government service

homer simpson stands in the living room of the simpsons house, t-posing, his eyes vacant and unfocused, bart stands opposite him. homer says to bart, "son it is time. for cruelty. I will use my hands." Bart replies "don't. cow man." Homer looks stunned in a close up. Back to the wide, Homer's head is now on the body of a cow. Homer says "if violence is man's nature, then to reject violence, does one stop being a human? If it is, then truly man is a lowly beast. Either way, I am free."

son it is time for cruelty
(rerun)

Screenshot from the Super Friends cartoon as Wonder Twin Jana is a talking hound dog in the snow. Subtitle: “Shape of a hummingbird.“

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink because of all the men being taught how to fish

maybe she’s burn with it
maybe it’s gasoline

football’s all like gimme that coconut i want it it’s beautiful but tennis is all like fuck this stupid lemon i hate it

hey my roommate's out. you want to come listen to the rite of spring and get scared?

on the topic of dick cheney, one thing i’ve always said is that you shouldn’t kill a million people

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works and let me know if you have any questions! 🤗

maybe the real treasure was the trove of priceless jewels we found along the way

JEEPERS CREEPERS (1939)

I'm at the beginning of my rope. I'm doing great.

OLIVE GARDEN WAITER: *grating cheese* say when

TRICK OR TREATER: uhh

my woke take is that entirely too many people feel entitled to the benefits of a social contract while not feeling bound by the responsibilities of said contract