to write a book, first write the letter "a". the next step is to add a space. on a computer, that is the big long button. on paper you just leave a gap between letters. next write "b". then "o". next, "o" again. finish by adding "k". congratulations. tell everyone you meet at parties about this
the eight stages of writing:
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
- this is awesome
have one of your characters summarise the plot of a shakespeare play or classic novel in order to show the reader that this is what You, The Author, are Also Doing
an image of a cartoon person pointing towards the viewer. the caption reads GUESS WHO'S in the torment nexus (the 'in the torment nexus' part is edited in badly, covering up what was originally there entirely)
me @ my protagonist
worried your dialogue isn't realistic? just add more filler words
you ever get so excited to write a scene that instead of writing it you just walk around in circles for a while
it's actually not that hard to write a first draft. all you have to do is write it
i don't see the problem with vanity publishers, so what if i'm vain
writing is lame. do skateboarding instead
keep going! i believe in you! [FREE TRIAL OVER. PAY £5.99 A MONTH FOR WRITING SUPPORT TO CONTINUE]
just get some guys and put them in a situation. that's it really
historical inaccuracies in fiction make people on the internet really, really angry, so you should include as many as you possibly can
i am going to start writing the first draft of my novel's sequel this coming week. i am posting this so you can all shame me if i don't
look, if you actually get some writing done today, you can do no writing tomorrow as a treat. happy?
randomly change the main character's name halfway through dialogue to keep readers on their toes
why don't you use your writing skills for something more useful, like asking people for money on the internet
lock (yourself) in (a room)(and finish that draft)
who cares if your protagonist is annoying? at least they're not from COMPTON PAUNCEFOOT, hey-O
read your work out loud while you're editing. that way you can tell if you've accidentally written a demon-summoning spell instead of a story
can't stress about all the problems with your first draft if you never read it again
when anyone asks 'where do you get your ideas from?' say 'from you' and then absorb them
stick to the POV you chose, unless it would be super fucking rad to move over to another character's POV for a sentence or two
make everybody gay. who the fuck cares anymore
make sure you always have at least 1 character that exclusively eats krill (not a whale character, a human character) (once they are introduced they spend the entire rest of the book explaining their dietary choices)
(finishes plotting out my novel's sequel) yay, i'm done! everything is planned! time t- wait my secondary protagonist doesn't have a surname
worried your protagonist isn't interesting enough? give them a silly hat!
stuck on a blank page? literally just put words on there. what are you doing
it's okay if your story doesn't have a deeper meaning. sometimes you should just write about a jealous twink for no reason
you don't need any skill to retell classic stories, you just need to be really, really horny
(sends my novel to beta readers to check it makes sense) ah i guess it's time to write the sequel
