Chris Allcock

100 Jumps Hold to charge, release to jump. Land on 100 platforms to win — but one miss and it's over. How many attempts will it take you?

we have a new flappy bird

Pokémon Pokopia might actually be too big and too good. I just returned to the starting area, which I thought I had a pretty good grasp of, spotted something a bit fishy and OH MY WORD this game goes deep.

Cars: having better advocates than humans since 20XX

Believe it or not this is an on-going, cross-genre issue with certain luxury car brands that prohibits what you can do with them in racing games. They will not let you depict them damaged in any way, not even scrapes from races.

But some tasks must be left to your Pokémon and they'll be done "tomorrow". You'll get daily challenges, gifts and shop inventory. And most importantly: your Pokémon's happiness about their habitat/homes raises your "environment level", which is where the Animal Crossing factor comes into play.

Ta!

There's a story. You'll have to complete certain objectives as you wander what remains of Kanto and pick up new abilities, examining lore journals and so on. The world is full of places to scavenge and you can make daily trips to renewable resource islands, which is very Dragon Quest Builders. (3/4)

Certain Pokémon will teach you new moves you can use to alter your environment; an early example is Rock Smash, so now you can break terrain and place it down elsewhere! That's the Minecraft part. And since this is the Dragon Quest Builders team, it soon evolves into systems like electricity. (2/4)

If you're intrigued by #Pokémon #Pokopia but aren't quite sure what you actually do, as a lot of people seem to be, a summary: It's bleak and grim. But you, a Ditto (taking the form of its long-lost human trainer) can terraform habitats to attract other Pokémon: that's the Viva Piñata part. (1/4)

Today's findings: a slice of hot ginger hitting the back of a throat that's red raw from tree pollen can do 90% of the job if you're looking to turn yourself inside-out.

A small house in Pokemon Pokopia, with brown wooden walls and a yellow floor. A workshop is visible behind a curtain.

Okay, it’s lacking certain luxuries (like a roof) but this is much more like home.

The programmers who could make isometric 8-bit games must have been incredibly well-educated. I bet they had, like, forty-five degrees.

Nadictor Parisheit episode!

> Interesting that you and others have each picked up cans of paint and made their mark upon this entirely virtual world. Did you ever stop to consider that you're painting in pixels because you acknowledge that your perception of freedom is just another part of the simulation you're being spoonfed?

Poképtialism strikes again.

"I sure do miss the humans!"

There are plenty of clever design decisions in Pokémon Pokopia, but I think my favourite is that the game knows you're going to want to be a homebody early on.

Thus, it gives your gang an "until tomorrow" task and with them all out of commission... might as well see what's through those gates, huh?

Charles Vance is the best Starfleet Admiral.

I want Wart voiced by Patton Oswalt. I will accept no alternatives.

Coming into this cold, it makes all the sense in the world because Mega Man is deathly allergic to spikes.

"I am eternally grateful to you for this opportunity, Mister Writer, and may I say what a pleasant coincidence it is that we have such similar taste in shirts!"

"Didn't we have a luv-ver-ley time, the day we mixed a banger..."

Hardcore mode: the big F1 car is made out of 53 million second-hand Micro Machines.

What would your first Big Art Attack be, and where?

"Cypress Hell... I'm looking in your direction!"

With a different skin, Talos Principle II would have made a damn fine Star Trek game.

That's your teeth wisdom coming in.

"Chris! Chris, wake up!!"

"Snhnznzhh-- uh? What?"

"They're saying it needs a thumbstick, Chris! None among you ever ONCE stopped to think that the game might not actually be finishable without a thumbstick!"

"Ah mate, but what my theory pre-supposes is... we actually DID think of that..."

(TBC)

👀

(As the kids say...)

I try not to swear on here but sometimes it’s justified: fuck anyone who thinks it’s okay to criticise, let alone criminalise, trans people just going about their lives. That driving licence of theirs just burning a hole in your values, huh?

You are disgusting, and history will forget your names.

For what it's worth @altermentality.bsky.social I just tried to reply to you, it said it did, but I can't see it. So...

Bluesky really not helping with that feeling of social media alienation you have!