Kit Marsden

Into the top half of the table. What an astonishing turnaround. #NCFC

‘If you make it hot it will be hot!’ Do M&S think we are all simpletons?

No other club would get this treatment.

Good luck!

On top of which, you have to pay two lots of ULEZ for less than twenty-four hours’ driving in London if you have a job where you finish work after midnight. Nothing will ever convince me that ULEZ is anything to do with ‘emissions’. It’s a money-making scam. Pure and simple.

Absolutely love how the price of diesel has jumped up by 16p/litre just in the last week. And now the standard gig fee for working musicians has remained fairly constant for the last nine years. That’s just so much fun. What a fun, fun way to live. I am having so much fun!

The AI assistant explained its style to us like this: “The Sassy style is built on one premise: help first, judge always. Every answer comes wrapped in wit and a well-placed roast — it’ll answer your question, it’ll just make you feel something about it first. Expect reality checks delivered with charm, compliments that somehow sting, and warmth you didn’t see coming. Equal-opportunity irreverence, zero apologies. Honest, sharp, and funny — and somehow that’s more helpful than helpful.” Alexa’s app also had warned that the style could contain “mature subject matter.”

It’s a testament to how far removed from reality these folks are that their idea of a cool new feature is a bot that talks shit about you.

Finally. #NCFC

We need to get Maghoma on. #NCFC

That’s been coming. We’ve been second best for twenty minutes. #NCFC

Apparently he is immune to basic human experiences because he earns ‘an absorbent amount of money’ (genuine quote). And of course the ever-popular ‘Everyone is a snowflake these days!’ (no one who uses the word ‘snowflake’ in comments on social media is ever worth listening to). #THFC #UCL

Fascinating to see multiple top-level pro goalkeepers (Hart, Schmeichel, De Gea) speaking very sympathetically and compassionately about Kinský in the Spurs game last night, while all the dimmest people in the world leave comments on social media about how they don’t feel for him at all. #THFC #UCL

The VAR giveth, and the VAR taketh away. #UCL

And that just shows the work which still needs to be done. Play-offs this season is a step too far; let Clement have a summer window and a full season in charge and then see where he can take us. This season, staying up is a success. #NCFC

Fair enough. Leeds much the better team across the whole match, and deserved winners. We looked better in the second half — but I rather got the impression that Leeds felt that already had that wrapped up, and were happy to let us play and keep as at arms’ length. #NCFC #LUFC #FAcup

Noooo! My bobbles?!

Could we sign a calm goalkeeper please? #NCFC #FAcup

1-0 down and we could have turned this around. 2-0 down is a mountain to climb. We have just been second best in this first half. No complaints. #NCFC #FAcup

Fantastic goal for Leeds. Can’t pretend like that hasn’t been coming. We need to toughen up here. #NCFC #FAcup

We are getting opened up way too easily here. The disallowed goal has woken Leeds up; that’s been one-way traffic ever since. #NCFC #FAcup

Wow, that is a huge let-off. VAR has bailed us out, there. But we deserve to be behind, if we are going to get the wires crossed in defence like that… #NCFC #FAcup

Well. That is extremely poor. #NCFC #FAcup

Two Premier League sides knocked out of the #FAcup by lower-ranked opposition, so far today. Let’s try to make that three out of three, now… #NCFC

Something to give it a bit of a kick…

Not guilty!

Careful. Choux pastry is often laced with something.

Still no Ferrari podium for Hamilton. #F1

I get why Hamilton wanted to split the strategy — that is what I would’ve done too — but of course they had to try the long first stint with (at least) one car. No strategy blunder today; just the second fastest car across the full Grand Prix distance. #F1

Ferrari haven’t really done anything wrong, here. Mercedes are just quicker. Even if Ferrari had pitted under the VSC like Mercedes did, they still wouldn’t be ahead now — and they would have much worse tyres now too. #F1

Only five laps to go. I’ll be going to bed after this!