Marta Jewson

Me after stealing my parents car:
It wasn't theft ... it was an excursion.

I should have asked "🏔️⚡️🪨🏫❓"

Thus marks the slow decent into including emojis in stories.

Oh right, reporting on state-level politics will result in this response to a request for comment:
"She’s issued a lot of tweets you could use."

Good lord

All these orientation kids have been in the shop this week.
They’re thrilled and their northern parents have a touch of sun burn.

A screenshot of a March 2016 facebook post that said "Schools closed because rain.* *maybe rain"

I don't remember this being as common pre-2017 floods.
From 2016

It’s even fuller capacity when they change the denominator of pumps!

(Remember when they dropped the constant duty pumps)

A Washington post push alert says Exclusive: Pentagon bars press photographers over 'unflattering' images of Hegseth

File photos are the secret life blood of journalism.

The national boycott could not be reached for comment.

hahah
I'm so down for a weekly batting cage club. I'll be needing to rotate so as not to injure myself.

NYTimes adopting @marisakabas.bsky.social style guide 💅

The U.S. Built a Blueprint to Avoid Civilian War Casualties. Trump Officials Scrapped It. The Pentagon dismantled its civilian protection mission as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth made “lethality” a top priority and the Trump administration reorganized national security around two principl...

NEW: A recently developed Defense Department program was meant to reduce civilian harm during military operations.

But months before the Iran war, the mission was dissolved as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth made “lethality” a top priority.

By @hannahallam.bsky.social

today at the World Metaphors Classic the leader of the USA didn't bother to find out the details of the situation his team was in and blindly assumed they would win a matchup they ended up losing, jeopardizing their long-term standing for no good reason

Reading:

Sounds like the answer of many an important business man giving sworn testimony this month

The next iteration of the Gem Theater - a yellow pick up truck parked squarely in front of a building with a sign that reads “Seing Up”

I can smell the burning rubber 👀

Gambling hot line ad on I-10 has a PAIR of aces popping out of a toaster with “Thinking about Gambling?”

I see that and I’m going straight to the casino. Or maybe that’s the intent.

We saw him at a live show in New Orleans — and he was hands down the funniest part. He said some stuff that definitely didn't make it on air 😂

I'm two minutes into Chimp Crazy and I can tell I'm going to have insane dreams tonight.

I accept. We're going to have to work on raising my profile.
I offered to moderate Dax Shepard's panel but Anderson Cooper must have slid into his DMs first.

⬇️ For your consideration: Watch to learn about the $220M taxpayer-funded ad campaign that's tied to a mysterious Delaware LLC and a horse named Gill.

More details: propub.li/4uoc28E

I missed it in the Oscar noms

I always thought 2x/week pick-up was overkill. I thought maybe it was a hot summer trash smell strategy.

But then after one hurricane they dropped it to once a week — AND KEPT THE PRICE THE SAME.

Mayor Helena Moreno urges City Council to increase trash pick-up fee to avoid cuts next year The trash fee hasn’t been increased since 2011.

Mayor Helena Moreno urges City Council to increase trash pick-up fee to avoid cuts next year
www.nola.com/news/politic...

Mississippi Permit Board Grants xAI’s Request for 41 Southaven Gas Turbines to Power Grok The Mississippi Environmental Quality Permit Board has granted xAI’s request to add dozens of permanent gas turbines to its facility in Southaven.

The Mississippi Environmental Quality Permit Board has granted xAI’s request to add dozens of permanent gas turbines to its facility in Southaven, Mississippi, dealing a blow to area residents who blame Elon Musk’s company for contributing to noise and air pollution in their communities.

The Singularity is upon us: Apple's AI summarized a text message that read "I'm still down to clown if you are" to.... "clown event still possible."

Didn't see this twist at the end of Handmaid's Tale

Thanks for this clarification!

Simultaneous ohhh noooo and lmao