Fulkery

I just want to be rich enough to donate a bench to a zoo

The Oscars! Live Sunday on… idk something I won’t be watching.

Two boxes holding little stuffed balls inside that say "Kick Balls"

Thanks for the suggestion but I was already going to

A nice thing about getting older and becoming invisible is the number of times the same person will give you a sample of bourbon chicken at the mall

The leader of every country should have to participate in the Olympics and the people should get to decide what event they do

I'm giving up using turn signals for lent

This is a very funny reply

Greeting card that says I'm sorry for talking to your child like it was a dog

Woke up to a blizzard warning and started screaming like Regina George

If anyone saw how I load a dishwasher I'm sure I would be arrested

Did not even need to know what turgid meant to know I would not like to be called that

Doc said no heavy machinery but my care bears cloud car seems pretty harmless

I rate movies and tv shows according to how many horse ears I get to see

There's an Italian restaurant by me with a neon sign that says "Shrimp Mussels Clams" and my new new year's resolution is to steal it

There should be a word for the pain of knowing you saw a band long before you loved them

*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman

Going to a Payless ShoeSource could fix me

Is it markwaynes or markswayne

This can't be the same brain that knew all the channel numbers

When you block me I make a funny little noise like a bluetooth speaker disconnecting

The prophecy is unclear but it involves posting cringe

I could conquer nations but instead I’ll sleep bare assed out in the open for the cosmic entities to probe me once more

Baby starting solids this week (brie tower)

Acting mysterious when in reality I just lost my train of thought

[Looking back into the toilet] I should call him

I hope we make it out of this wavelength in one sexy piece

Weapons are lowkey sexual

Dogs woke me up an hour early today because they do not observe daylight savings.

A parking space outlined with a painted white dotted line and labeled "DRUG DEALERS ONLY."

Detective Wile E. Coyote puts down the paintbrush and smiles.

Tim Robinson - Pay It Forward (I Think You Should Leave) YouTube video by Harrison Senesac

Happy Monday ilu ❤️
I'm going to pay it forward today 😊💀

@fulkery.bsky.social
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youtu.be/BP1zOxcg57E?...