Fulkery

“I don’t think she would have to be in your mouth for a long period of time today…”

Overheard jewels 793: Dentist’s office

The arm is out and the slayings will begin

You reveal more about yourself in asking that question than I could ever reveal by answering it.

Starbucks employee: [silently writes “Yew” on cup]

many don’t know that the phrase “have a good one” is referring to a hot dog

"If you have only two drink sizes, ma'am, you can't have a Large and a Medium! The Medium is really a Small! You need three drink sizes to have a Medium!"

Anyway, that's how I got kicked out of Subway.

Things your Doctor WON’T TELL YOU:

Their mother’s maiden name
Their CVV code
If they love you

What else are they keeping from us???

I love the smell of bacon in the morning . . . and in the afternoon . . . and in the evening . . . and at midnight . . .

"Instagram" Full Sketch | I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson | Netflix Is A Joke YouTube video by Netflix Is A Joke

Happy Tuesday ilu ❤️
Or should I say Sunday funday with these 2 idiots 😂

@fulkery.bsky.social
@shellhound.com
@farcewtf.bsky.social
@therealdcf.bsky.social
@muyrando.bsky.social
@lazer-cat.bsky.social
@lunchjournals.bsky.social

youtu.be/7xS9Y_mjTjc?...

A screen shot from trails through daybreak

Lol @ my game

I know what I'm getting ALL my friends and family for Xmas now

I just want to be rich enough to donate a bench to a zoo

The Oscars! Live Sunday on… idk something I won’t be watching.

Two boxes holding little stuffed balls inside that say "Kick Balls"

Thanks for the suggestion but I was already going to

A nice thing about getting older and becoming invisible is the number of times the same person will give you a sample of bourbon chicken at the mall

The leader of every country should have to participate in the Olympics and the people should get to decide what event they do

I'm giving up using turn signals for lent

This is a very funny reply

Greeting card that says I'm sorry for talking to your child like it was a dog

Woke up to a blizzard warning and started screaming like Regina George

If anyone saw how I load a dishwasher I'm sure I would be arrested

Did not even need to know what turgid meant to know I would not like to be called that

Doc said no heavy machinery but my care bears cloud car seems pretty harmless

I rate movies and tv shows according to how many horse ears I get to see

There's an Italian restaurant by me with a neon sign that says "Shrimp Mussels Clams" and my new new year's resolution is to steal it

There should be a word for the pain of knowing you saw a band long before you loved them

*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman

Going to a Payless ShoeSource could fix me

Is it markwaynes or markswayne

This can't be the same brain that knew all the channel numbers

When you block me I make a funny little noise like a bluetooth speaker disconnecting