I think countries around the world should levy tariffs specifically on Tesla in response to US tariffs, as well as banning Twitter as a national security threat
driving a wedge between our co-dictators may be the most effective thing they can do
It’s absurd that we still use a 12 month calendar. It makes way more sense mathematically to have 10 months in a year built around the cycles of devouring from our enchantress of the sea. Ok, a couple of questions I also want to get ahead of about the enchantress and please try to stay open minded.
please stop responding to this to tell me that I’m going to regret throwing away some of her drawings. no I won’t. you do not understand the sheer volume of art this child produces. it’s like 5+ identical drawings of our family a day. she’s prolific. warholesque
Wow, gold, frankincense, AND myrrh. This is so great. My wife’s boyfriend’s baby is going to love it. Thank you so much.
me in my 20s: it’s saturday night! time to go get drunk and party!!!
me in my 40s: ah, saturday night. time to enjoy an evening with my family and perhaps enjoy a drink or two
me in my 8470s: huh. i think i might be god
me in my 98580s: yep i’m god for sure
(Ebenezer Scrooge on his way to debut his new “fun” persona to the family of the employee he’s impoverished:) Maybe I’ll razz Bob a little bit when I get there. I think we have that kind of relationship
your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about
If this United Healthcare shooting has taught me anything. It’s that this must have been what the Munchkins felt like when a house killed the Wicked Witch of the East and out stepped Judy Garland
COLE: COOP, THEY CAUGHT THE CEO SHOOTER. HIS NAME WAS TONY SPAGHETTI, REAL BOY NEXT DOOR. ABS LIKE ADONIS. POLITICAL IDEAS OF A FUTON. PERHAPS THE IDEAL MAN
my daughter came home from school upset because she didn't "bring a circle." I guess it was "bring a circle" day. "Everyone else brought a circle!" okay, first of all, I didn't know about bring a circle day. second, what the hell are you talking about
Who even thinks of this shit
the "an average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid is actually just a statistical error. an average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in a cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted
To be fair she does look like a chicken.
Math problem. I have three apples and am traveling towards you at 17mph. It's not really a problem, more of a warning. Apple time, bitches.
me: why is there only one set of footprints
Jesus: i can fly check it out
(Jesus flies around)
me:
(Jesus lands)
Jesus: anyway you were saying something about your cancer
A sexy picture of Statler from The Muppets
Statler has been crowned PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive 2024.
You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. You have never made a film before and it would take a long time to figure out.
captain barbossa from pirates of the caribbean from the part where he says that line and turns into a freaky skeleton
ya best start believing in zoos, mr. damon. we bought one!
If anyone wants to read some good blog posts from today, I've curated a list.
1. The great @tomscocca.bsky.social defector.com/last-time-wa...
I wish I was as sure of anything as my mom is when a sitcom is trying to pass off a regular baby as a newborn baby
Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was 326,332!
Eternal Embrace • Follow • • • 5d • Why don't pictures like this ever trend .... See more Someone said June is pride month... So, I thought I would post my pride flag.
what the fuck is that
I’m no Biden fan but I have to admit this was a classy way to bow out
Attendant: Sir, you can’t bring that animal on the plane.
Me: He’s registered I have the paperwork
Attendant: No, I mean he won’t fit.
My Anxiety Elephant: *senses my anxiety*
Any machine can be a smoke machine if you operate it poorly enough
Picture from the drivers seat of a car. The large overhead rotating brush is just starting to make contact with the windshield. The rainbow soap is being smeared and kinda looks like the northern lights to be honest
We didn’t see the aurora borealis but we did do a drive thru car wash today
Chasing xkcd.com/2931
A person wearing a mask and a vest with the text "Sleep Expert" is napping on public transportation.
nobody likes a show-off
it must be weird to be a guy who was on YTV or whatever in the 90s. you thought you just had a kind of neat job being on tv and 30 years later millennials want to interview you for their podcast and are bugging you about tracking down your "lost media" because they've never been able to grow up
That's now how the fuck marry kill game works, Anakin, you can't pick Padme for all three answers
