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Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are WASHINGTON—In a heated exchange that laid bare a growing schism at the highest levels of Republican leadership, President Donald Trump and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) reportedly clashed in the Oval Office Thursday over the question of where they were, with McConnell insisting they were at church and Trump maintaining with increasing irritation that they were […] The post Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 21:03 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash The post Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 20:09 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Kate Hudson Under Fire For Doing Wisconsinface In ‘Song Sung Blue’ MILWAUKEE—Accusing the actress of a grotesque act that showed profound insensitivity, Kate Hudson found herself under fire Thursday for performing in Wisconsinface for her most recent film, Song Sung Blue. “It’s so insulting to see someone who’s obviously never been anywhere near cheese curds or a Friday night fish fry do this hurtful caricature of us,” said Kenosha […] The post Kate Hudson Under Fire For Doing Wisconsinface In ‘Song Sung Blue’ appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 20:04 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Trump Defends Wearing Fruit Hat, Samba Dancing During Dignified Transfer WASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice of these brave men and women while wearing a headdress […] The post Trump Defends Wearing Fruit Hat, Samba Dancing During Dignified Transfer appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 19:33 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Harry Styles Breaks Down His New Album Track By Track Harry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down with The Onion to explain the meaning behind each track. “Aperture”: “I typed ‘hole’ into powerthesaurus.com.” “American Girls”: “My favorite is Samantha, but Kit is a very close second.” “What Makes You Beautiful”: “I hope Kobalt […] The post Harry Styles Breaks Down His New Album Track By Track appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 15:31 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi WASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. “At some […] The post Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 15:10 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 14:18 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In Cockhole WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tensile strength exceeding that of steel, and they serve as […] The post RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In Cockhole appeared first on The Onion.
12.03.2026 13:00 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security alarms that autonomous bots could use cryptocurrency as a pathway into the economy “without any explicit instruction and, more troublingly, outside the bounds of the intended sandbox.” What do you think? The post AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self appeared first on The Onion.
11.03.2026 16:03 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His Friends NEW BEDFORD, MA—Expressing deep gratitude to find himself surrounded by those so dear to his heart, local crab Dan Herscher told reporters Wednesday that he was just happy to be in a bucket with all his friends. “Yes, sir, there’s nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering all over a couple […] The post Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His Friends appeared first on The Onion.
11.03.2026 16:01 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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‘Which Way Is Iran?’ Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of Freeway WASHINGTON—In a chaotic scene that left motorists confused and alarmed, witnesses along Interstate 495 reported Tuesday that President Donald Trump was seen wandering pantsless on the shoulder of the freeway, holding a ceremonial sword straight out in front of him, and asking passing drivers, “Which way is Iran?” “Woman! Tell me if Iran is to […] The post ‘Which Way Is Iran?’ Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of Freeway appeared first on The Onion.
11.03.2026 15:58 👍 2 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0
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Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party Tommy’s parents are on a trip up north somewhere, so he’s inviting the whole class over to open his dad’s liquor cabinet. You in? Reference #15937 The post Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party appeared first on The Onion.
11.03.2026 13:00 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones United Airlines announced it will begin removing passengers from flights who refuse to wear headphones when listening to content on their personal devices, claiming that such behavior could lead to a permanent ban. What do you think? The post United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones appeared first on The Onion.
09.03.2026 18:52 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Timothée Chalamet Under Fire For Dismissive Comments About Traditional Japanese Puppet Theater Form ‘Bunraku’ LOS ANGELES—Facing fierce backlash for remarks deemed deeply ignorant by devoted fans, actor Timothée Chalamet came under fire Monday for dismissive comments about traditional Japanese bunraku puppetry. “I never want to end up in a position where I’m one of the Ningyōzukai manipulating the arms and legs of this puppet that frankly hasn’t been relevant […] The post Timothée Chalamet Under Fire For Dismissive Comments About Traditional Japanese Puppet Theater Form ‘Bunraku’ appeared first on The Onion.
09.03.2026 18:50 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP Benefits New work requirements for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program have gone into effect across the nation, threatening benefits for millions of Americans. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new SNAP restrictions. Q: Why were new work requirements put in place? A: Barb Klimath of La Crosse, WI, saw someone pay for […] The post What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP Benefits appeared first on The Onion.
09.03.2026 17:10 👍 0 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0
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It Wasn’t Called ‘The 2008 RV Market Crash,’ Was It? Why risk losing a costly stationary house when this Class C motor home can also transport you away from floods and fires. Reference #023478 The post It Wasn’t Called ‘The 2008 RV Market Crash,’ Was It? appeared first on The Onion.
09.03.2026 13:00 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Kristi Noem Fired As DHS Secretary Kristi Noem was fired from her post as Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security and will be replaced by Senator Markwayne Mullin (R-OK), the embattled Noem’s exit following intense public backlash to her handling of Trump’s immigration crackdown and mishandling of department funds. What do you think? The post Kristi Noem Fired As DHS Secretary appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 21:22 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA WASHINGTON—Characterizing her new role in the middle of an Iowa corn field as a better fit for her skill set, the White House announced Friday that former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem had been reassigned as a scarecrow at the USDA. “While she clearly struggled in her prior position, we realized Kristi still had more […] The post Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 21:20 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Trump To Americans: ‘You Won’t Have To Pay Your Son’s Cell Phone Bill When He Dies At War’ WASHINGTON—Striking a note of optimism as the prospects for a protracted conflict with Iran grew likelier, President Trump on Friday urged Americans to bear in mind that they’ll no longer have to pay their son’s cell phone bill if he dies at war. “You may be grieving at first, but, believe me, you’ll be smiling […] The post Trump To Americans: ‘You Won’t Have To Pay Your Son’s Cell Phone Bill When He Dies At War’ appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 18:54 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead The post Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 18:34 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography Case Longtime Justice Department employee Timothy Parsons, a legal staffer in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Washington, D.C., was arrested and charged in a child pornography case and is facing federal criminal charges in Maryland. What do you think? The post DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography Case appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 17:07 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Tips For Researching Local Candidates Voting in local elections is key to democracy. The Onion shares tips for researching candidates on the ballot in your community. First, learn the name of the town or city you live in, and ideally the state as well. Decide exactly how important it is to you that your vote is informed. Ensure your preferred […] The post Tips For Researching Local Candidates appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 17:07 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Prosecutors Unable To Attend Live Nation Trial After Scalpers Buy Every Ticket NEW YORK—Jeopardizing the fate of what could be a landmark federal antitrust trial, U.S. prosecutors were reportedly unable to attend the Live Nation trial Friday after scalpers bought every ticket. “Ah, shit, I promised my daughter I was going to prosecute Live Nation for her birthday,” said David E. Dahlquist, a lawyer for the U.S. […] The post Prosecutors Unable To Attend Live Nation Trial After Scalpers Buy Every Ticket appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 17:06 👍 0 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0
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Royal Family Quietly Removes Prince Andrew’s Line Of Salad Dressings From U.K. Grocery Stores LONDON—Faced with continuing public outrage over the former prince’s ties to notorious pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, the British royal family on Friday quietly removed Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor’s popular line of salad dressings from stores. “For decades, British consumers have associated Andrew’s smiling face on bottles of Buckingham Balsamic and His Majesty’s Honey Mustard with the highest quality […] The post Royal Family Quietly Removes Prince Andrew’s Line Of Salad Dressings From U.K. Grocery Stores appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 17:04 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Pat Yelsh and Jordan Menz Statistically speaking, not every wedding is going to be magical. The post Pat Yelsh and Jordan Menz appeared first on The Onion.
06.03.2026 14:00 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Trump’s War On Iran: Myth Vs. Fact The White House has defended strikes on Iran, stating that the country’s leaders are “paying for their crimes against America.” The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding President Trump’s war. MYTH: As commander-in-chief, Trump has the authority to take military action. FACT: It is unconstitutional for a U.S. president to declare war without the […] The post Trump’s War On Iran: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.
05.03.2026 16:51 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Ayatollah Killed In U.S. Airstrike Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the theocratic dictator who ruled Iran for over 36 years, was killed in a massive U.S. and Israeli military operation, with the Iranian government announcing 40 days of public mourning following the death of the 86-year-old leader. What do you think? The post Ayatollah Killed In U.S. Airstrike appeared first on The Onion.
03.03.2026 19:57 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Joe Mazzulla Reiterates Jayson Tatum Will Not Return Until He Passes The ‘Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian’ BOSTON—Amid continued speculation about when the injured Celtics star might return to action, head coach Joe Mazzulla told reporters Tuesday that Jayson Tatum would remain sidelined until he successfully completed the “Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian,” a riddle- and reason-based gauntlet he devised to assess players’ mental readiness. “Look, I know it’s your guys’ job to ask, […] The post Joe Mazzulla Reiterates Jayson Tatum Will Not Return Until He Passes The ‘Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian’ appeared first on The Onion.
03.03.2026 17:49 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Price Of Teeth Rises According to Delta Dental’s new Original Tooth Fairy Poll, the average amount of money left under a pillow for a lost tooth has increased to $5.84 per tooth, up 17% from last year. What do you think? The post Price Of Teeth Rises appeared first on The Onion.
02.03.2026 22:02 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Trump On Fence About Attending Ayatollah’s Funeral WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the implications of his presence at a particularly tense moment in relations between Iran and the United States, President Trump told reporters Monday that he remained on the fence about attending the funeral of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. “If I go, I think it’ll really make me look strong, like I’m fully in charge […] The post Trump On Fence About Attending Ayatollah’s Funeral appeared first on The Onion.
02.03.2026 21:37 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0