"Post nut clarity" I whisper to myself after eating a cashew and being flooded with the knowledge of life, the universe, and everything including the fact that a cashew is technically a seed.
The warning signs were there
But those things are a bore
All that drama gives me despair
Besides, it's easier to ignore
And then, oh no
How can this be
So much for the afterglow
You mean it will actually affect me?
I guess that's the benefit of hindsight
Now only misery will take flight
Thinking about writing a poem that someone can read in the future and think, “Oh yeah, the warning signs were always there. How did we miss that?” and calling it The Benefit of Hindsight.
Not many people know this, but the song Teenage Dirtbag is about a naked mole rat mutant antagonist.
What a time to be aware of facts and information
Here's a super depressing song that made me think of you, on that day humanity received a grim reminder.
record co. ceo, 1973: record sales are down. you’re toast
Bread: what
When I screamed "HERE'S A HAMMER, FIX YOUR FACE," I didn't really expect you to take me up on it.
me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom
you: you DO have kids
me: WHAT
one time my aunt stopped speaking to me for six months bc i dropped in the chat that chick-fil-a is closed on sundays so their employees can go get their abortions
...discuss how mixing delicious candy with cleaning products is a recipe for disaster.
i used to smoke cigarettes. candy cigarettes. then i went on the patch. sour patch. now im clean. mr clean . in this ted talk, i will
Got fired from my job as a porn star bc I couldn’t stop saying GREAT CAESAR’S GHOST during the money shots
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them jiggle before you, and to hear the lamentations of their eating utensils.
My child has made up a treat called “barbarian jello” which is simply jello that you eat indelicately with your hands
Melt a bunch of giant clocks, so I know it's surreal.
what are u talking about babe, *you're* the one who told *me* that gaslighting isn't real
No problem :)
I didn’t leave you on read. I can’t read.
bsky.app/profile/did:...
Here you go
Don't forget to spring forward tonight and exorcize the ghosts of the past.
some of you have done very little to pump up the jam and it shows
I love this website because scrolling is like
- freaking out about the horrors of the world
- look at my cat!
- more horrors
- dumb joke
- guy getting mad because he doesn't understand what a joke is
- the horrors again obviously
- porn
Do one thing every day that scares you, continue to wake up.
Someone told me to read the room, so that's why I'm writing this novel on their stupid walls.
i vibed that he was going to murder me first your honor
I say happy birthday a lot for someone that is diametrically opposed to all birth.
for your birthday i got you a helium balloon because who doesn’t love a slowly deflating reminder that we’re dying on a dying planet
