Andrew Nelson

Galaxy brain: Trump is cratering oil production in order to offset the repeal of the IRA

I would watch that but not admit to it

I hope the Spurs trade Kornet to the Wizards for his part in this

The Great Compromise will be that he pushes for DC statehood on the grounds that Mr. Ed and Grimace are their inaugural Senators

The Epoxies
The Dismemberment Plan

I mean, I want President Colbert for us, but not for him. He'd be miserable and I would feel awful about that.

Solid chance he'd end up as a top 10 president though

It’s a bad idea for a lot of philosophical reasons but the actual numbers of it are so bad that I almost want to see what would actually happen

I think you might just be Snakes Georg

He personally is all the vile bullshit I ever need to see again, but the worst of it isn’t even his personal shit, it’s the menagerie of complete fucking assholes he enables. Everyone from Cabinet secretaries to the third largest Chevy dealer in the county feels empowered to be their worst selves

The fundamental tension between the Batman and the Penguin is that a bat is a *mammal* that can fly and a penguin is a *bird* that can't. So you have competing, and inverse forms of weaponized imposter syndrome

The best part is that mine is sort of in on the joke, so he’s got a real streak of “STOP DOING AIR GUITAR AT STOPLIGHTS, FATHER” but also finds it funny that I do because I am clearly doing it to get a rise out of him

My wife is texting a friend and my kid is hounding her, trying to make sure she isn’t talking about him.

So now I’m posting about him out of spite. Take that, kiddo

I had an early bird flight one morning and that shit woke me up with alacrity

He’s every ounce as cruel and significantly more aggro about it

He also is the dumbest guy in the Senate. I know people are putting out Ron John and Tuberville but those two had actual careers at one point, not so for our boy Markwayne

Either Murdoch is tired of the money getting fucked with or there’s lines even he won’t cross

JK it’s the first one

My IMMEDIATE thought. I still think there’s an outside chance Tim Onion bought People and that’s where this is coming from

The wildest part about this question is that even though you have to water these two twice a week, neither of them would even crack the top ten dumbest motherfuckers in the House

(It’s Mullin, btw)

An actual job where his mom isn’t his only customer? Turns out he’s blue collar after all

Chotiner: You've made the claim that no one has ever fed you in your life.
My Cat: Maow.
Chotiner: Yet there's food in your dish right now.
My Cat: Maow.
Chotiner: Let's change the subject to the ripped-open bag of sandwich bread on the floor.
My Cat: Maow.
Chotiner: I have read different things.

Time to support trans Dems like @beth4ma.bsky.social

My rep, who I am itching to see primaried, getting Chotinered?

My birthday comes earlier every year!

It’s completely beside the point, but it’s the cherry on the shit sundae that an objectively pretty funny line like that got wasted on something so grim that we can’t even really joke about it

Oh man, the RW media sphere would EXPLODE, it might be worth it just for that

Hell yeah

I'm going Karl Malone, here.

- Pads a lot of stats but can't win when it counts
- Changes teams in a desperate attempt to get a win; fails anyway
- No stranger to inappropriate relationships

"What if Lowtax banning hentai, but somehow with even worse people involved"

I cant wait to vote for his primary challenger.

Congressman, I'm one of your constituents, and honest question: what is even the point of voting for you if you can't take a stand on something as simple as "maybe let's not let the President unilaterally bomb other nations and kill a bunch of civilians"

I would also accept several of the vehicles from F-Zero.

But not Blue Falcon.

I tried very hard not to laugh when my kid told me that.

I did not succeed.