Aidan Fitzmaurice

BBC Audio | The Skewer | Series 4 | Episode 4 Returning to twist itself into - and remix - the news. Jon Holmes presents The Skewer.

From 11 mins in, should you fancy a time capsule of a listen

www.bbc.com/audio/play/m...

I love this song so so much. One of the credits I'm most proud of is getting a mash up of this song, and loads of talk about the UK's mismanagement of Covid, on Radio 4's The Skewer.

As always @iandunphy.bsky.social was able to transform my nonsense ideas into audio excellence

Hahahaha they couldn't resist making it a song with loads of lines referencing tech having feelings

they’re also saying no one here can take a joke but don’t let the replies to this fool you

a man in a suit and tie stands in a crowd ALT: a man in a suit and tie stands in a crowd

I love the process of switching it off, telling my brain IT'S MOVIE TIME

Oh great, I was just lining up a new Air so this will do nicely instead

Reporter: What's up with the shoes?

Leavitt: The American people want to hear about stuff that impacts their personal lives, not what shoes the politicians wear

Reporter: Actually a poll here says 90% of Americans think the shoes are more interesting than anything going on in their personal lives

I think I most envy what it must be like for them to fill out application forms.

Tell us about your idea in no more than 800 words: "Well, I'm in it, and so is my famous friend. Thanks."

Bloody fibre innit

Concerned Friend: "And did you learn anything from this humbling experience?"

Me, eating 3 Tunnocks Tea Cakes with lunch: "Oh absolutely"

It is already funny but now it’s become far funnier because they know everyone knows and is looking at their shoes but they still have to do this

Listen they are a group of big giant tough guys who are also afraid to not wear a shoe

I had to go on a low FODMAP diet for a while to suss out what was triggering my IBS so bad. But guess what, I figured it out all by myself, and now I get to say FUCK YOU LOW FODMAP DIET

Honestly, I was just staring into space half the time trying to think of things I could eat

He's honestly so close to Mr. Burns in the "rambling about the old days in completely out of date language" stakes

This right here, this is the good stuff

"Arthur Dent?" it said.

Arthur nodded helplessly.

"Arthur Philip Dent?" pursued the alien in a kind of efficient yap.

"Er ... er ... yes ... er ... er," confirmed Arthur.

"You're a jerk," repeated the alien, "a complete asshole."

Every year the Government tell us they are committed to special school places for all children that need them, while every year we hear more stories like this

There's a bit in Jurassic Park 3, where Alan sees the kid stuck on the island has managed to collect a sample of T-Rex urine, and when he asks the kid how he got that, the kid says "you don't wanna know!" and they just move on.

I REALLY DO WANT TO KNOW

Cover art for The Witness

The Witness Is Even Harder For Color Blind and Hearing-Impaired Players Some puzzles might not be solvable for those who are color blind or hearing-impaired.

I loved playing The Witness for the most part, but I got stuck at a bit for AGES, couldn't get close to figuring it out, it had to do with colour filters. Eventually I googled "can you finish The Witness if colourblind", and guess what...

Actually hang on, I'm after receiving word that it definitely IS TRUE that Micheál Martin guesses his underling's shoe size and forces them to wear his preferred style of shoes. Wow. This is huge.

Actually hang on sorry, now getting more word that it is indeed false and made up

Micheál Martin has been guessing his underling's shoe size and forcing them to wear his preferred style of shoes for years now* and nobody says anything. But when Trump starts doing it, it's suddenly news?

*unverified, probably made up

Homer being attacked by bees, shouting "ow! They're defending themselves somehow!"

Trump and the US after bombing Iran

Wait so this lad likes Beamish but isn't convinced when other people like Beamish?

Micheál Martin: "...and that's why it's crucial we observe, in terms of being guided by, the international rules based order, because, as we both know from the Northern Ireland peace process, peace is paramount and-"

Trump: "HEY DO YOU LIKE THESE SHOES WHAT SIZE ARE YOU WE'LL SEND YOU A PAIR"

A cat with a paw placed gingerly on a radiator

A cat with a paw placed gingerly on a radiator from the other side

Gotta get that paw good and hot

It's very annoying that all the talk of "winning with Klopp's team" turned out to be quite accurate

Do you think Galatasary will have any ideas on what sort of system to play to protect a lead at Anfield? Slot is always so tight-lipped about the systems he struggles against, who knows what they'll go with

Galatasary Coach: "I don't know how to hold onto a 1 nil lead in the fiery cauldron of Anfield."

*switches on the news to find Arne Slot speaking*

Slot: "I can't play against low blocks. If a team uses a low block against us, we lose, game over. I lose sleep thinking about the dreaded low block."

So Galatasary have a 1 nil lead to protect at Anfield. Lucky Arne Slot hasn't consistently banged on about his most hated playing style in an opponent, one that would suit Galatasary perfectly in this specific situation.