( •̀ ᴖ •́ )

honestly idek what to do atp, maybe i'm just an attention seeker lmao

whenever i thought maybe i am making some progress in terms of writing and replying, and immediately i am proven wrong.

tried my best and for what

i just don't think anyone has ever missed me, idek why i still look forward to messages while i'm gone

4 months later and i'm at 119 now, maybe this is a sign.

新年祝福…越期待越是没有的

好像怎么都不是那种可以心甘情愿死在这一刻的开心了

其实已经不记得自己最后一次真正的开心是什么时候了

this feels extra disappointing this year for some reason, maybe bc i hv gone around mentioning chinese new year a lot and now i am just realizing no one cares lmao

no one wishes me happy chinese new year in return :(

the way nobody really does care and it feels so shitty to think that someone is your friend and they just .. don't care .. like idk, wouldn't it even be common politeness or courtesy to care a bit lol

idk why but i feel like people are annoyed or not amused if they use lmao / lol frequently when texting with me tbh. i always double think things. i received a message of 3 lmao in a single message and phew, i have been rethinking the entire convo ever since

another day of thinking no one really does care and how i am supposed to feel about that bc no matter how many times it happened, i still feel like shit. it still makes me feel like shit.

trying to get people to specify muses and they do anything but ... like i am already offering to write you a starter, the least you could do is just specify who you want ???

膝盖好疼啊啊啊啊啊啊

knee pain knee pain kNEE PAIN I WANNA CRY

i could pretend that i am just writing and having fun but i can't shake the feeling that no one enjoys writing with me

what for honestly.

不想再以真心对待任何人了，同时却还不死心地想着迟早有那么一天真心还是会换回真心

从来得不到任何称赞，无论怎么做都好

one thing people should stop doing is giving me false hope by being all interested and then immediately stop saying anything and the interest is never there again or never same again. like what am i supposed to feel lol am i supposed to try harder? am i supposed to just move on and feel like shit?

每次都只有自己在用真心

if i still don't get any enthusiasm or ships from that, maybe people are just writing with me for writing's sake and not because they actually like writing with me or what i/my ocs offer

i think my goal this year would be just to write 100 replies roleplay-wise

trying to get feedback and interactions for my ocs is so hard for no reason because people just don't bother at all

every day i think about how my ocs are slept on so bad and people are never really interested anyway. and if they do, it never lasts. and it makes me feel so horrible.

booked two (2) hotels ✌️

每次尝试分享oc根本就是在玻璃渣里找糖吃，根本感觉不到对方是不是真的感兴趣，就算他们感兴趣，也很快就没了。但我偏偏喜欢一起讨论oc，喜欢看别人的反应。

once again feeling discouraged af

i always feel like if i stop writing, no one would ever care. no one would ever miss what i bring to the table.