@remcotensen.nl
If you decide to follow me, I expect you to have the emotional resillience and adult reasoning capacity, to be able to handle the disagreement and messages that make you feel uncomfortable. I don't set out to offend, but I don't care if I do, either.
We just published a blog post to answer some FAQ for Bluesky users, including clarifications on data privacy, invite codes, how to submit feedback, and more.
https://blueskyweb.xyz/blog/5-19-2023-user-faq
Don't hate anyone before you meet 'em.
https://youtu.be/WlwtHeG-LWU
https://youtu.be/CBPNrVQwqeo
To assume that people on the other side of the table are morally flawed, is absurd.
And emotional vampires make small things bigger than they need to be: a hallmark of histrionic borderline.
Wouldn’t it be better to just stop labeling, to avoid imposing behavioral expectations on ourselves?
Online emotional vampires use tactics that share characteristics we see in domestic abuse dynamics.
Reflected as a projection of internal anger onto other people, and as exaggerated victim signaling.
You are not the horrible person who made it happen, in the way the person who offended you put it
To prevent becoming an emotional vampire:
Expose yourself to different points of view for a long time. So that you get all the nuances, so that you take the time to learn other ways of understanding, to give yourself the chance to make better connections and think critically in a healthy way.
You’re not crazy if you notice
Do you notice that someone around you reacts differently than you would expect? Like an emotional vampire?
Talk to others who are in your situation. Read about Cluster B personality disorders. This gives you more clarity about the shared characteristics and dynamics
Emotional vampires have normalized personality disorder style relationships. We applaud and actively affirm, “I’m going to say this no matter what, because I’m [x]!”, and the more melodramatic their tone of voice, the more applause they’ll get.
Binary thinking is seductive when you are anxious. Moving between extremes is typical of borderline and how we talk about politics
Cult thinking, authoritarian, parental thinking
Emotional vampires don’t need a charismatic leader on socials. If people are afraid, they can cling to a group identity
The level of insult given to things said by emotional vampires on social media is excessive and it seems we are culturally conditioned to respond mildly to them.
We have been been told to always be nice people, decent and ethical, it has become almost impossible to judge emptional vampires on them.
Emotional vampires will often show predictable patterns in the way things interact and produce certain outcomes. Attractive ideas that serve certain interests, and preferably attract the kind of people who consciously or unconsciously exploit the dynamics for their own social or monetary gain.
Beware of emotional vampires
Conspiracies happen, but many things that people think are conspiracies, are not conspiracies.
Often there is a grain of truth in it: “The system is against me”, “I am being discriminated against.” But the explanation will be too simplistic and emotionally disordered.
You can build a brand for yourself by being a victim, and many have done that. Being a victim can also pay off in something other than money: ‘narcissistic capital’, a term that comes from addiction care.
You get a craving and then the attention gets you high.
Many people project their bad experiences onto the world: “I had a bad experience with my father, therefore all men are bad.”
Projection is something all humans do, but it has become so popular over the past decade that we are now experiencing clinical, dysfunctional levels of narcissism.
Cancel culture is social murder. Excusion. Ancient human behavior. When people are shunned, they are stripped of their moral status, their sense of identity.
“We can’t take you on directly, but we can take you out behind the scenes.”. If you think back to your teenage years, you know how that works
Social mefia gives easy access to ‘brand me’ and is set up to thrive on big emotions.
Even the nicest people who never lose their temper are pushed by this media. That can cause good people to suddenly act like bad people.
Narcissism, emotional instability, public rage: they are on the rise, especially among students.
To what extent do social media encourage, consider and generate histrionic personality disorders and overly melodramatic behavior in all of us?
Socials reinforce the positive feedback loop of people who agree with you, and allows you to keep opinions you don’t like from your message wall.
If you have an open personality and are not very accommodating, you tend to develop narcissistic traits in an environment with no one around to limit you
In the days before the web, the social environment around an individual acted as a limiter. A wrong thought or bad idea, would simply die out most of the time.
On the internet, every idea, can count on support. There is a community for every desire or belief, no matter how wild.
During a crisis, your own priorities should change as well
Do not be afraid to now talk about ROI
Cover yourself by not lying, but give decision makers something to calm their nerves, or give a prospect something to trigger a purchase decision in an uncertain market, where you have bills to pay.
You don’t always have the data
But even with a loose prediction, stake holders can weigh the costs against expected returns, and decide whether or not to invest in SEO.
This is a crisis, they will weigh these costs anyway, wouldn’t you prefer to have at least a lttle influence on how they do it?
During a crisis, companies cut back on marketing expenses, but SEO can be a way to maintain revenue. If you stop working on SEO, but competitors continue working on it, the company loses out on visibility revenue.
In addition, it will need to incur higher costs to catch up when the economy picks up
You can’t avoid the ROI question now, so don’t try
During an economic crisis, decision makers are more conservative, and less willing to take risks. You have to deal with that. The last thing you want during an economic crisis is to lose your income, because they don’t consider your work important.
Even if people are less attentive to details, even if an SEO operates on a trust-based relationship, it’s important to rmail everything between all parties during a crisis.
The recipient doesn’t necessarily have to read it all, it’s more important that you provided optimal opportunity to do so.
Tip: turn off your voicemail, as people tend to dump requests there, expecting you to do something about them without you having any say in the matter.
Adapt your communication channels
A crisis creates anxiety, and the best medicine against stress is overview and predictability. During a crisis it’s “all hands on deck” at work and people probably don’t have time to talk to you, or sift through all kinds of emails from you.
It’s important for you during a crisis to make sure you’re a colleague or partner who helps take stress. If you’re a person who can make the experience of daily work more enjoyable, that can make a huge difference for your position if the ROI of your work doesn’t pan out as predicted.
If you make yourself less visible and don’t work on relationships, you’ll eventually be considered less important. An ironic concept that SEOs explain very well when they tell you why you should invest in SEO, but one that they often suddenly deny, when they talk about their personal work situation.