Sam

Today is a Tuesday and the only day I’m working this week, so naturally my job decided to pack every single irritating possibility into one day

New achievement unlocked: family inside jokes 🥹 not hard to do when there’s Gemini placements around

I love laughing at things only the three of us know about 🤭 toddlers are so funny

Turns out the Mars-Saturn opposition is just my child doing everything in his power to injure himself and others. Having a lot of fun

Grateful my job allows me to eat well and enjoy the psychological benefits of being surrounded by trees and water all day, also wish this was accessible to everyone and not just employees of Giant Evil Sports Corporation

The carpenter bee hops off the hyssop, hovering in midair

and flies straight up into my camera, getting so close she warps out of focus

I SAID NO PICTURES YOU MOTHERF—

LMFAO

Rhea Ripley

That’s all

Happy mercury retrograde to me trying to buy groceries just now and being told my debit card PIN is wrong despite me using the same one for 5 years and never ever changing it

My husband: *always watching wrestling with our child*
Also my husband: why is our child always trying to body slam me?

Glad my babysitting instincts kicked in and I remembered my infant & child CPR training from 2006

Saturn’s influence on my chart is such that no matter what planetary activation I’m experiencing, the results are almost always literal. No nuance or poetry to it. Yes Mercury cazimi in my 11th house in the sign of the self was like “I will rebrand my online platforms with my Very Own Name”

Moving in silence is hard when you’re an annoying bitch

Just had to save him from a rock that was stuck in his throat. 🫠 there are downsides

You gotta marry someone who just nods knowingly when you break into a reference from a 2005 SNL celebrity Jeopardy skit

Having a somewhat common name is devastating when it comes to purchasing URLs. What do you mean it’s $3400 to buy my name dot com

I should have figured when my son was born with a 3H Capricorn stellium (which includes a Mercury-Pluto conjunction) that he would be a dirt witch who loves Kiki’s Delivery Service

What perfect album came out when you were 16?

You get me

One of my coworkers whose first language is not English was trying to say “playing for the other team” with regard to someone being gay, but what they said was “coming from the other side” and that is such a delightfully ominous way to describe a homosexual

coyolxauhqui the moon as dis-membered witch mother. is that anything

I’m really loving it so far, they went hard with the historical accuracy of 1500s feudal Japan

Do you want to learn more about the fixed stars? I have dozens of resources on my newsletter <3
Here are some of my faves:

Very pleased to report the new assassin’s creed game lets you pet the cats AND the dogs AND keeps a log of each type of breed you pet

I don't know which part of this is funnier -- the fact that these folks created a legend, the pictures of the cats, the fact that they have a cat named Hubris, or the fact that Hubris' face makes you go, "Oh that's why..."

Perfume is mass produced in an ol factory

...and send

Me: wow I am having a Good Day what’s going on
Jupiter: it’s literally my day and I’m exalted and relatively unaffected by Mercury rx

At some point in the past, I noticed a nervous tic of mine and it’s such an uncomfortable kind of self awareness when I notice myself doing said tic. Like I’m exposing myself to myself

whoever came up with the word "parallel" is such a diva and understands elegánce