Hellscape Navigator

well now I’m hoping this whole era is just me Occurring at Owl Creek Bridge sometime in 2015 and everyone is actually doing fine in Jeb Bush’s second term

there are twitch streamers i follow with more integrity than these guys. there are people out there who think doing ad reads for Clash of Clans is dishonest.

and then, in the most powerful office in the world, we have these chuckleheads.

it turns out when your core base is 50% religious fanatics and 50% irate cruise ship passengers, it starts to wear on their support for you when the mimosas run out

not with that attitude

every damn "gen z is [weird/changing the culture] article headline ends up a "they spend 1% less on vodka than industry analysts predicted" article text, I swear

"should we re-elect someone you can accurately describe the same way a medieval catholic theological would explain the mind of a demon?" was apparently too hard a question for americans

Tangentially related, but if you run some sort of club or association and you don't want chuds to join, displaying a couple pro-LGBTQ symbols from time to time is *shockingly* effective.

this is 100% true. a quick rainbow flag on your local RPG club acts like a crucifix against dracula, but for chuds, I've discovered

of all the callbacks i didn't want to see the writers making from the 60s, nuclear peace theory was one of them

say what you will about prior all-time worst secdefs McNamara and Rumsfeld, they knew how to use a fucking spreadsheet. Hegseth disdains the necessity. I'm not convinced he can read at even a high school level.

tried to visit my local gyre but it was closed for widening

well, that explains why they rallied behind the Anti-Christ

i feel like "context based personality switching" is a life skill that seems to have declined in the 24/7 Phone Social era.

he was a new york gossip rag punchline and an inevitable dime for tax fraud and that was his destiny. that was the right path. but then, in 2015, someone completed The Ritual

to be fair i think if you showed anyone from before like, 1970, a modern grocery store, they'd be pretty excited.

if you showed marx a modern grocery store he'd need to go to a beach and stare at the ocean for a while

well famously, the line is, trust, don't bother to verify, verification is a waste of time, always just trust, never verify. ABTNV always be trusting, never verifying, like alec baldwin said in glengary glen ross.

it’s now about deciphering weird advertisements from dystopian future megacorporations while wandering a space swamp

it’s good but extremely brutal. I think my survival rate is like 10%

part of it is the evangelical "god forgives/god gave us a dispensation for all of this" set of thought-terminating cliches about morality. a voting chunk of the population that COULD judge all this harshly has chosen to adopt a belief system that frees themselves from judgment.

all chess is 4d, what he's playing is n-dimensional cthulhu chess, where all the moves end up with you being a sailor who gets eaten by a squid monster that just wants to go back to bed

there is an entire bit where he chastises one of The Dudes for not calling his parents when he got off a plane. it's great.

Guys I hate to say this but the war that doesn’t make sense that happened for no reason isn’t going perfectly

i've always interpreted Metropolis as a futurist Chicago. a Smallville kid might think of as "the big city."

Gotham, by contrast, is New York down to its bones.

An underrated thing about pets is how they invent their own religions

there was some bread thrown near a bird feeder my dogs found once and i swear whenever they walk by they stop to pay their respects

it would annoy the shit out of me and kill my trust in a source to catch them trying to mislead me like this. i unfollow people who fall for bait unless they're like, SUPER funny, then they get one mulligan.

but the Fox News people will just think, oh, this lie is for /other/ people. I'm in on it!

genuinely the day the supreme court killed the tariffs, erudite, serious commentators all over the media were just saying "well, Trump will definitely attack Iran now" as if those two are related in some kind of logical way.

we just granted as a given he would need an emotional support war

it's not a conversation you can postpone! the inevitable futility of all human endeavor you can delay until the post-Santa reveal, but they are going to know kids with gay parents, have a gay teacher, etc.

i'm tired of the trope that "the gay talk" is somehow the most difficult and impossible of conversations. it's an easy one compared to pet death, person death, optimus prime death, thermodynamics, school pressure, why the Moon is called the Moon, where is stuffy, etc.