Jonathan Nagle

OpenAI and…the United States Military…are teaming up to notify YOU that your son has been KILLED IN ACTION. Click here to speak with your son via AI one last time

A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

this is the most remarkable thing i've ever seen on television

That was rad as hell. LIVE? Jeeebus.

Dr Kareem Carr man: i wish to publish @kareem_carr Jan 21 reviewer 2: your paper is no good man: i'll do anything to improve reviewer 2: it's simple. you must read the work of the great scientist Pagliarini man: *bursts into tears* but i am Pagliarini Andre Pagliarini @apagliar Jan 21 a first: in rejecting an article I submitted to a journal, reviewer 2 noted I failed to engage the work of one Andre Pagliarini Jan 21, 2026 • 3:47 PM UTC

I just thought everyone should see this

my name is robert snow but you can call me

Whe @theonion.com nails it boy do they nail it

the zoom out was 🤌

The Bill Ripken “fuck face” card, but the variant with the redacted knob.

what are they hiding

At SNL I worked with artists who made the funniest, stupidest graphics in no time flat. Some of my biggest jokes would have been impossible without these geniuses building an insane image or finding the perfect real-life photo of a politician. Sucks that their work is being pushed aside for slop.

the only architects of ai we should celebrate are allen iverson’s parents

NBC: NEW ALLEGATIONS FROM EPSTEIN ACCUSER MEMOIRE

She was legally declared a victim of a crime in a court of law, she was not an "accuser," she was a VICTIM

A screenshot of the starting pitchers for tonight’s game, Early-Schlittler. It kind of sounds like Early Pooper.

You can call me someone who drinks a pot of coffee every morning, but I think of myself as more of an

Woof.

the apple sports app shortens michigan to UOM, might delete it

Can’t stop thinking about pudge

Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it

👀 ESPN2, 7pm, Tonight

a broken mannequin on the ground

how your email finds me

The Connecticut Sun were purchased for 10 million 20 years ago and just sold for 325 million but the league doesn’t make any money so it can’t pay its players

Keith David sitting at a switch 2 display and smiling warmly at the camera like he's having a good time

Jason Alexander looking to camera like a cornered animal as he plays a display model Nintendo GameCube.

nice argument, unfortunately i have already depicted myself as Switch 2 Keith David and you as Gamecube Jason Alexander

this should be a sign to everyone that we should be doing more journalism

Here's the ultra-short read on the Mamdani logo design www.gq.com/story/zohran...

Suprematist Design for a Façade, by Vera Ermolaeva, 1920, 📸 by @kelcgrant

the Marathon alpha released recently and its environments are covered with assets lifted from poster designs i made in 2017.

@bungie.net @marathonthegame.bungie.net