Josh Magee

I live in a house with an extremely heavy spring-loaded screen door, but whenever I warn my guests about it on their way out they think I'm being an asshole. 😔

Guys love to put the dots in between the letters in acronyms. Dots make acronyms alpha. "It's unnecessary," you say, "the fact it's an acronym is already apparent from the consecutive capital letters!" S.T.F.U!!! Hell, we'll even use asterisks if we're feeling C*R*A*Z*Y 💪🔥😈

ben shapiro sounds like something a wizard says when he wants somewhere to sit down at the park

Flight attendant as I step off the plane: "Thank you!"

Me after straight-up ignoring them throughout their safety demonstrations, requests for charity donations and offers of beverages, but now trying to be their favourite passenger for some reason: "Thank you so much!!"

Whistler's Father

Nike commercial based around me still flossing before bed even though I’m really tired

a very basic graphic of a red white and blue american flag next to the words “these colors don’t run”

explain light purple then

a football dude yelling at a different football dude

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS IS A SQUARE BUT SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS’ PANTS ARE A RECTANGLE