Tom Gardiner

ROFL! Now I'm thinking about it too!

*insert rimshot*

God, people are such animals on a flight. Take me, for instance. I'm having canned red wine and cookies. Who does that?!

I am all for this. I hate AI's "prostate massage" methodology of constantly giving affirming statements instead of just giving me straight up info. It skews the reply to flatter rather than give pertinent information.

I reject reality, at least for now

Speaking of pandemics

I'm definitely trying this soon.

Hey, free wool!

I bet it tastes best on the shelf in the store.

Ooh, that's genius!

To quote the Beach Boys, "Oh, wouldn't it be nice?" We'd literally be saving American lives.

I really miss being able to walk into the lobby of a bank wearing a mask, cap, and sunglasses and the only reaction was, "Hello, sir! How can I help you today?"

I love it! I'm looking for a simple, tiny, one-hit bong. I had one 30+ years ago with a very small, aluminum bowl shaped in a funnel like the one you posted. It held just enough for 2-3 hits. I've not been able to find anything like it since. Bowls are too big, bongs expensive. Might try making one.

I want to laugh, but...

Burp...

Runny eggs on cinnamon raisin toast.

If you, like me, enjoy sweet and savory food pairings and are a fan of eggs on toast give this a try ASAP. I thought about trying this last night as bedtime hunger prodded me, I'm really glad it did.

You'd think that's obvious, but...

Light background square graphic with the image of a small piñata at the top center. Below it is the following text: I don't know why I don't buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the crap out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.

Legitimate therapy

A photo of my range with 6 boxed king cakes stacked on it.

A photo of a king cake in a box with an open lid

A photo of 2 open-box king cakes. One is missing a large portion and the other is being sliced in the photo.

What? I only bought 6 king cakes for #MardiGras. That's just 3 per person!

Black text on a white background that says, "Why do you use the F-bomb so much?" Me: What the fuck is an F-bomb?

Legit question

A mock advert for a "Surf & Turf Meal Kit" from discount retailer Dollar General. In it is pictured a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine, Vienna sausages, a tin of sardines, a red Solo cup, and a single birthday candle. The test above reads, "Romance starts at Dollar General. Show your love this Valentine" s with a surf and turf meal kit. $7.99 while supplies last. "

Are you a romantic on a budget? Dollar General has your back.

I Wanna Hold Your Ham
#porkdishesinasongormovie

Someone wise once said, “Kid Rock” was the nickname for Epstein Island 🏝️

Screenshot of a social media post that says, BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says "2 Days Without Being Annoyed" [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]

I appreciate the concern. Please experience it elsewhere.

Screenshot of a social media post that says, "not to alarm anyone but is anybody else worried about how everybody is fucking stupid"

*raises hand*

Social media post that says, "I go to the doctor. He asks for a stool sample. I pull out a small chair from my bag. The doctor yells at me for wasting his time. I go home. Still don't know why l'm shitting furniture. My nightmare continues."

Ouch

Had a BLT for breakfast. It's going to be a good day.