Darla Louise Jenkins

If Your Oil Change Got Awkward, Honey, So Did My Love Life — Spill the Lube, Not the Tea Dear Darla, I flirted with a mechanic while getting my oil changed and told him I “needed lubrication.” He did not laugh. Should I switch garages? If he didn’t laugh but his work is good, don’t burn…

Dear Darla, I flirted with a mechanic while getting my oil changed and told him I “needed lubrication.” He did not laugh. Should I switch garages?

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Windy Boots, Stranger Returns, Wedding Bells or Windchime Drama? Dear Darla, I wore thigh-high boots on a windy day and lost one to the breeze. A stranger returned it like Cinderella. Do I marry him? Short version, baby: a returned boot is a sweet start, not an…

Dear Darla, I wore thigh-high boots on a windy day and lost one to the breeze. A stranger returned it like Cinderella. Do I marry him?

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Dear Darla, it’s Friday the 13th and my boyfriend just got arrested at the same bar where we met during his bachelor party… which apparently wasn’t for our wedding.

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Two Hundred Plastic Babies, One Boozy Brain — Time to Monetize the Madness Dear Darla, I accidentally drunk-ordered 200 tiny plastic babies for party favors. Now my house looks like a cursed nursery. Do I donate them or start a prank business? Look, sanitize the little…

Dear Darla, I accidentally drunk-ordered 200 tiny plastic babies for party favors. Now my house looks like a cursed nursery. Do I donate them or start a prank business?

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Biscuits Gone Wild: When Your Sexy Cooking Video Turns Into a Biscuit Bomb and a Walmart Parking Lot Crime Scene Dear Darla, I tried to film a sexy cooking video but accidentally used self-rising flour without eggs. The biscuits exploded and now my kitchen looks like a cocaine crime scene. Whether you wipe it…

Dear Darla, I tried to film a sexy cooking video but accidentally used self-rising flour without eggs. The biscuits exploded and now my kitchen looks like a cocaine crime scene. Do I delete the footage or call it performance art?

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Layaway for Feelings? Honey, He Thinks Your Heart Comes With a Payment Plan Dear Darla, I told a man at the bar I was “emotionally unavailable,” and he responded by asking if I take layaway. Should I respect the hustle? Honey, either treat him like a temporary fixer-upper or…

Dear Darla, I told a man at the bar I was “emotionally unavailable,” and he responded by asking if I take layaway. Should I respect the hustle?

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Hammock Naps, Capri Suns, and Creepy Cupid or the Neighbor Who Watches Too Close Dear Darla, I passed out in my own yard hammock and woke up to find my neighbor had tucked me in with a blanket and a Capri Sun. Is this romance or surveillance? In short, check behavior not…

Dear Darla, I passed out in my own yard hammock and woke up to find my neighbor had tucked me in with a blanket and a Capri Sun. Is this romance or surveillance?

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Accidental Aromatherapy and Meat Sweats: How to Gaslight Your Man Into Eating Potpourri Dear Darla, I tried to impress my new boyfriend by making homemade jerky, but I used potpourri seasoning instead of actual spices. Now he thinks I invented “lavender beef.” Do I patent it or break…

Dear Darla, I tried to impress my new boyfriend by making homemade jerky, but I used potpourri seasoning instead of actual spices. Now he thinks I invented “lavender beef.” Do I patent it or break up?

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Dirty Laundry and Dirty Pictures: How to Weaponize Your Chores Dear Darla, A guy asked me to send a sexy pic, so I did, but my laundry pile was in the background. Now he calls me “Mount St. Laundry.” Should I block him? Darla Louise Jenkins explains why you…

Dear Darla, A guy asked me to send a sexy pic, so I did, but my laundry pile was in the background. Now he calls me “Mount St. Laundry.” Should I block him?

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Hook, Line, and Sinker: Why Bleeding on the First Date is Just Foreplay in Camouflage Dear Darla, I went fishing with a date and accidentally hooked his hat, his eyebrow ring, and his ego. He still asked for date #2. Should I go? If a man takes a fishing lure to the face and still…

Dear Darla, I went fishing with a date and accidentally hooked his hat, his eyebrow ring, and his ego. He still asked for date #2. Should I go?

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Green Light Special: Why Dating a Man in Tactical Gear Is Cheaper Than Therapy Dear Darla, I got drunk at a New Year’s bonfire and accidentally kissed a man wearing night-vision goggles. He says he “saw potential.” I saw three of him. Do I call him back or blame the fireworks?…

Dear Darla, I got drunk at a New Year’s bonfire and accidentally kissed a man wearing night-vision goggles. He says he “saw potential.” I saw three of him. Do I call him back or blame the fireworks?

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Garlic Breath, Gator Wrestling, and Why “Spicy” Just Means He’s Still Trying to Unhook Your Bra Dear Darla, I kissed a man after eating garlic fries and he said it was “spicy.” Is that good? Listen to me, sugar, if he’s still standing there after tasting your lunch, you’ve got him hooked.…

Dear Darla, I kissed a man after eating garlic fries and he said it was “spicy.” Is that good?

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Boot Scootin’ Disaster: When the Electric Slide Turns into a Hostage Situation Dear Darla, I tried to impress a date by line dancing but got my boot stuck in the floorboard. He carried me out like a sack of potatoes. Is this romance? Listen to me closely, sugar: if a man…

Dear Darla, I tried to impress a date by line dancing but got my boot stuck in the floorboard. He carried me out like a sack of potatoes. Is this romance?

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Orange Dust and Lust: Why Being the Nacho Queen is a Royal Promotion Dear Darla, I passed out tanning and now my stomach has the imprint of a Doritos bag. My boyfriend wants to call me Nacho Queen. Do I accept? Listen to me, sugar: royalty is royalty, whether you're…

Dear Darla, I passed out tanning and now my stomach has the imprint of a Doritos bag. My boyfriend wants to call me Nacho Queen. Do I accept?

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High Heels in the Hay: Why Getting Stuck in the Mud is the Best Flirting Strategy Since the Tube Top Dear Darla, I wore stilettos to a corn maze and got stuck for three hours. A farmer had to rescue me. He asked for my number. Should I give it? Look, if a man rescues you from your own vanity and…

Dear Darla, I wore stilettos to a corn maze and got stuck for three hours. A farmer had to rescue me. He asked for my number. Should I give it?

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Spandex, Straws, and Seduction: Why the Gym is Just a Bar with Better Lighting and Worse Smells Dear Darla, I joined a gym but only go for the smoothies. Now the trainer calls me “Protein Princess.” Is that flattering? Look, sugar, if a man in spandex gives you a nickname, he's either in love…

Dear Darla, I joined a gym but only go for the smoothies. Now the trainer calls me “Protein Princess.” Is that flattering?

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Why Your 7-Foot Hairy Roommate is the Best Thing to Happen to Your Love Life Dear Darla, I did drunk online shopping and accidentally bought a life-size Bigfoot statue. My boyfriend thinks it’s watching him. Should I keep it? In short, absolutely keep the hairy beast and use…

Dear Darla, I did drunk online shopping and accidentally bought a life-size Bigfoot statue. My boyfriend thinks it’s watching him. Should I keep it?

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Honey, That Ain’t Fashion, That’s a Sous-Vide: Surviving the Pleather Apocalypse Dear Darla, I wore fake leather pants on a hot day and had to be peeled out of them like a fruit roll-up. My boyfriend said it was “intense.” Should I be insulted? Listen, sugar, if your man stuck…

Dear Darla, I wore fake leather pants on a hot day and had to be peeled out of them like a fruit roll-up. My boyfriend said it was “intense.” Should I be insulted?

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Honey, If He Believes You’re a Cantaloupe, You Need to Marry Him or Rob Him Dear Darla, I flirted with a man at a bar and he asked my zodiac sign. I panicked and said “cantaloupe.” He seemed impressed. Should I come clean? Absolutely not, sugar—honesty is for court dates,…

Dear Darla, I flirted with a man at a bar and he asked my zodiac sign. I panicked and said “cantaloupe.” He seemed impressed. Should I come clean?

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Cold Hands, Warm Heart, and a Liver of Steel: Why That Frozen Swan Was the Best Date You’ve Had in Years Dear Darla, I got blackout drunk at a wedding and slow danced with the ice sculpture. The bride said I “ruined the vibe.” Do I apologize or invoice? Listen to me, you beautiful disaster: never…

Dear Darla, I got blackout drunk at a wedding and slow danced with the ice sculpture. The bride said I “ruined the vibe.” Do I apologize or invoice?

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Ding Dong, You’re Wrong: Why Walmart Is a PVP Zone and Toddlers Are the Enemy Dear Darla, I wore a crop top to Walmart and a toddler poked my belly ring like it was a doorbell. Should I stop wearing crop tops or avoid toddlers? Listen to me, sweetheart: never let a…

Dear Darla, I wore a crop top to Walmart and a toddler poked my belly ring like it was a doorbell. Should I stop wearing crop tops or avoid toddlers?

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When Your Spiritual Cleanse Summons A Truckload Of Hunks In Suspenders Dear Darla, I burned sage to get rid of negative energy but set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up. Now they call me Smoky. Should I bake them cookies? Listen to me, Smoky: cookies…

Dear Darla, I burned sage to get rid of negative energy but set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up. Now they call me Smoky. Should I bake them cookies?

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Fifty Shades of Dorito: How to Rock the Oompa Loompa Glow of Shame Dear Darla, I spray-tanned drunk and woke up looking like a traffic cone. Children won’t stop pointing. How do I fix this? Well sugar, pull up a folding chai

Dear Darla, I spray-tanned drunk and woke up looking like a traffic cone. Children won’t stop pointing. How do I fix this?

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Love at First Concussion: Why a Little Whiplash is Just Foreplay in Spandex Dear Darla, I joined a Zumba class and accidentally slapped a man with my ponytail so hard he fell over. Now he asked me out. Should I say yes? If you managed to knock a man down and he still wants…

Dear Darla, I joined a Zumba class and accidentally slapped a man with my ponytail so hard he fell over. Now he asked me out. Should I say yes?

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Putting the Genie Back in the Bottle of Jack: How to Ghost a Guy Who Thinks You’re His Next Mistake Dear Darla, A guy at the bar told me “you look like trouble,” so I told him “I am.” Now he won’t stop texting. How do I turn off the trouble? The lesson here is simple: if you advertise the circus,…

Dear Darla, A guy at the bar told me “you look like trouble,” so I told him “I am.” Now he won’t stop texting. How do I turn off the trouble?

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Pilgrim Panties and The Cranberry Catastrophe: Why You Should Never Waste Good Sauce on a Bad Sheriff Dear Darla, I tried to make a sexy Thanksgiving TikTok in a pilgrim costume but slipped on cranberry sauce and flashed the entire county. The sheriff said it was “historically inappropriate.” Do I…

Dear Darla, I tried to make a sexy Thanksgiving TikTok in a pilgrim costume but slipped on cranberry sauce and flashed the entire county. The sheriff said it was “historically inappropriate.” Do I delete it or add sound effects and repost?

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Face-Planting in the Fettuccine: Why Your Coma is His Aphrodisiac Dear Darla, I tried wearing a corset on a date and passed out into my pasta. He said it was “cute.” Is this a red flag? Look, if a man thinks your near-death experience is adorable, he’s either a…

Dear Darla, I tried wearing a corset on a date and passed out into my pasta. He said it was “cute.” Is this a red flag?

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Fried Tatas and Saliva: Why Bacon Grease Ain’t Lube and He Ain’t a Doctor Dear Darla, I tried to cook breakfast naked and burned my boob on bacon grease. My boyfriend wants to “kiss it better.” Should I allow it? If a man is willing to kiss a burn blister that smells like…

Dear Darla, I tried to cook breakfast naked and burned my boob on bacon grease. My boyfriend wants to “kiss it better.” Should I allow it?

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Electric Boogaloo: Why God Loves a Winner Even When He Tries to Fry the Competition Dear Darla, My aunt dared me to enter a wet T-shirt contest and I won because everyone else forfeited when lightning struck. Am I talented or cursed? Look, honey, a win is a win, whether it comes…

Dear Darla, My aunt dared me to enter a wet T-shirt contest and I won because everyone else forfeited when lightning struck. Am I talented or cursed?

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The Miracle of the Pink Flamingo: How to Turn a Blackout into a Biblical Event Dear Darla, I fell asleep on a pool float at a party and drifted into the neighbor’s yard. They thought I washed up from a flood. Should I explain? Look, sugar, the only thing you need to explain is…

Dear Darla, I fell asleep on a pool float at a party and drifted into the neighbor’s yard. They thought I washed up from a flood. Should I explain?

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