Jamie Lamb

"There are three kinds of magic," said Wizzler, handing us each a balloon. "You can control tigers, you can shoot tornadoes from your fingers, or you can fly by holding your breath. The color of confetti inside your balloon will reveal which kind of power you have." I felt the panic rising in me. What if my confetti turned yellow, indicating that I was a Tiger-Talker? My family, a long line of proud Tornado-Fingers, would disown me. Could I ever return home, bearing such shame? I tried to calm myself as I readied the ceremonial safety pin. Green, I thought, willing my hopes into reality. Please be green. I popped the balloon, involuntarily shutting my eyes. When I opened them, would I see the green I hoped for? The yellow I feared? What if, gods forbid, the confetti were blue? I opened my eyes, seeing shock on the faces of my classmates. Wizzler himself stared at me, wide-eye. Looking down, I saw myself covered in confetti... purple confetti.

“I don’t understand,” I growled, my body trembling with pain. “I combined eighty percent Earth-elemental mana with twenty percent Fire-elemental mana (Type B), focused through a twenty-four-sided icositetragon made of yellow topaz. This, in conjunction with my blood type, star sign, sense of humor, and nickname, should have produced a blazing column of lightning to vaporize my enemies. Instead, it made a big bubble that smells like fresh laundry. Why?” Skullgrumbler began to laugh. “You fool! You don’t even realize…” he squealed. “You’re facing east!”

“It’s whatever you want,” explained Magemaster Grampledog. “Magic is just whatever you want.” I knew he was speaking in riddles, but I couldn’t grasp his hidden meaning. “So the rules are…” Grampledog lit a sliver of smokereed. “No rules. You say some words and you wave a stick and whatever you want just happens. You don’t even need the stick.” His wisdom still eluded me. I stared into his face, trying to decipher what he was really saying. “No, listen.” Grampledog snapped his fingers and his desk turned into a pile of chicken nuggets. “I didn’t even know that would happen.” His hat then came alive and began to yodel. “It’s pandemonium,” he explained. “It’s complete nonsense.”

In my experience there are three kinds of fantasy magic novels:

illustration of vileplume sitting on the ground with bushes behind her and a few plants and flowers growing in front. there are two skiploom hanging around.

some grassy mons 🍃

Cat Family

Melissa & Doug brand barber shops playset. A yellow and blue box containing toy razors, shaving cream, scissors, electric trimmer, etc. two kids are shown on the box playing with the set

One kid is standing behind the other pretending to trim his beard, which is a strap on made of brown felt. The bearded child is admiring himself in a hand mirror

Look at this mfer

aidanless behavior @AerialShading columbo is for people who sleep like honk shoo honk shoo but poirot is for people who sleep like snork mimimimi

Goofy was sky hook shotting before Magic Johnson was born

When Animorphs ended, fans were vocal about how they didn't like the depressing ending.

K.A. Applegate responded with amongst the most brutal letters I've read.

It takes a generational talent to tell your fans "If you're mad at me because that's what you have to take away from Animorphs, too bad."

december ✨🕯️

A grey and black cat cuddle on a red blanket. They are both wearing opaque plastic cones around their necks.

A black and grey cat cuddle on a pair of legs covered in dark blue jeans. They are both wearing protective jumpsuits. An orange cat watches them from the floor.

The girls have graduated from cones to protective jumpsuits in their post-spay journey. They're much happier outside of the cones

With the holidays coming up it's important to remember that the movie "Elf" is a genuinely demonic piece of art we should bury in a Nevada landfill

A grey cat lays on a blue and white blanket. She has a cone around her neck and a sulking expression on her face.

A chair is covered by a green blanket. A black cat lays on top of the chair and a grey cat lays on the blanket in front of the chair. They both have white plastic cones around their necks.

A black cat and a grey cat lay cuddled together on a red blanket. They are both wearing white cones around their necks.

The girls got spayed yesterday, so we're in for 9 more days of cones and sulking. Everything is looking as good as possible though!

A small grey cat loafs on a rug.

A small black cat sits on a wooden floor and looks up at the camera. She has wrapped her tail around her front paws.

These beautiful girls cause no shortage of trouble for their dads

Digital illustration of a frog on a red flying carpet, soaring above the clouds. The frog is wearing a puffy hat, a green tunic, orange pants, and curly orange shoes. Behind him is a large bag covered in various wares. Cranes are flying besides him.

Flying Frog Merchant 🐸
#art

AI is changing everything. In particular it’s putting a thing you don’t want to accidentally touch in all of your favorite apps

Shadow’s Japanese Voice Actor is Toshiyuki Morikawa, the voice of Sephiroth! #SonicMovie3

There's something I need people to understand.

The studio that made this released some numbers. They had to produce 85 minutes of footage to find 15 usable seconds for this ad.

The machine that creates moving images out of nothing has a failure rate of 340:1 and the best 15 seconds... is this.

My feet all cozy in beige leather house shoes.

I don’t know if something… happens in your late 30s, but wow.

House shoes suddenly make sense for the first time in my life. This is exactly like the light that hit Paul on the way to Damascus.

A grey cat is farting towards the camera on a hardwood floor. She is moving around too quickly to be in focus. Her fur looks blue in the light.

A black cat is moving quickly on a hardwood floor. She is blurry and looking at the camera with a determined expression.

A grey cat and a black cat are in the frame together. The grey cat is standing still, but the black cat is darting forward.

A long-haired orange cat sits on a hardwood floor. He is hoping his good behavior will earn him some tuna.

Visions of chaos after the kitties realized I made tuna salad for lunch

A grey cat is farting towards the camera on a hardwood floor. She is moving around too quickly to be in focus. Her fur looks blue in the light.

A black cat is moving quickly on a hardwood floor. She is blurry and looking at the camera with a determined expression.

A grey cat and a black cat are in the frame together. The grey cat is standing still, but the black cat is darting forward.

A long-haired orange cat sits on a hardwood floor. He is hoping his good behavior will earn him some tuna.

Visions of chaos after the kitties realized I made tuna salad for lunch

christmas tree 🎄

A black cat stands in an empty kitchen sink. She looks directly at the camera with an air of defiance.

Kiki recently discovered that she can jump up onto the kitchen counter. All she's gotten out of it has been wet paws and the satisfaction of being somewhere not made for her.

Things That Go

The funniest thing I ever saw on Tumblr was one user calling another user a pedophile for writing slash fic about George Washington and Alexander Hamilton, two grown adult men with a 23 year age gap. Later on one of the people involved turned out to be a single white girl pretending to be 2 HIV+ woc

Entrance of the Municipal Cemetery of Luján, Buenos Aires, Argentina, designed by Viktor Sulčič (1895–1973)

when your joke doesn't land in the group chat

you deserve jail for this but it also convinced me this place has the juice

A grey cat lays under a red blanket on a cream-colored couch. She looks at the camera with a mischievous expression.

A grey cat lays under a red throw blanket. She smells something interesting to the left of the camera.

I return triumphant from the grocery store to find the comfiest gremlin known to man

Comm for PebblestheCatTW on twitter!