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Alan Burns

@alanburns

Kilmarnock-born Edinburgher, civil servant who likes a lot of music, niche trivia and funny stuff

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Latest posts by Alan Burns @alanburns

Amazing how after three decades I can still have these moments of suddenly realising that something *wasn't* created by Matt Groening/some Simpsons writer but already existed, and was either being directly referenced on The Simpsons or, in this case, (very lightly) parodied

11.03.2026 20:39 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Album cover of Burnt Weeny Sandwich by Mothers Of Invention (Bizarre/Reprise, 1970). Cal Schenkel assemblage of garishly painted doll and mannequin parts, bits of electronic circuitry etc. A banger of a cover

Album cover of Burnt Weeny Sandwich by Mothers Of Invention (Bizarre/Reprise, 1970). Cal Schenkel assemblage of garishly painted doll and mannequin parts, bits of electronic circuitry etc. A banger of a cover

Out & about with the most pleasingly-structured MOI album. Side of miniature gems, side-long jamming compilation, doo-wop bookends. And that eye-popping early Schenkel covers, that I used to love seeing in record shops and imagining what it was like. Imagine it had adorned a Dolphy LP as planned...

11.03.2026 17:18 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Of course, fair point: it's not like English had strictly standardised spelling in days of yore when grails were sought...

11.03.2026 15:43 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
the quest for the Holy Grale named Sound

the quest for the Holy Grale named Sound

This is absolutely engrossing stuff, sorry Attacca I'm ignoring the ssh'ing advice to really get into it. Went looking for the composition date in the booklet (1981), and found this banger of a translator's typo

11.03.2026 15:32 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
Zacht beluisteren
Listen at low volume

Zacht beluisteren Listen at low volume

Oh I like this: optimum listening advice in Dutch and English

11.03.2026 15:10 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
CD cover of Morton Feldman: Untitled composition for cello and piano, performed by RenΓ© Berman & Kees Wieringa (Attacca, 1990)

CD cover of Morton Feldman: Untitled composition for cello and piano, performed by RenΓ© Berman & Kees Wieringa (Attacca, 1990)

Next up: first go at some of this, and as it's from the era when nobody can rip anything to an mp3 player, it's one of those Feldman CDs where you get a 70 minute piece given convenient track splits. The piano at the outset is much busier than any other MF I've yet heard, sounds intriguing

11.03.2026 15:05 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

The Wergo one with Franz Kline, De Kooning etc is on first (yes this had its own post ready to go with pic & all the alt text, and yes, the Bluesky WSOD refused to post it)

11.03.2026 13:53 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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Your occasional reminder that the Prince song "Sexy MF" is short for "Sexy Morton Feldman"

11.03.2026 13:40 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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Discogs postman no 2: Feldman (this was longer and had alt text on the first five attempts to post it, but yet again the Bluesky white screen of death tries my patience to breaking point)

11.03.2026 13:37 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 1
CD cover of Arvo PΓ€rt: Spiegel im Spiegel etc performed by Benjamin Hudson, Sebastian Klinger and JΓΌrgen Kruse (Brilliant Classics, 2007)

CD cover of Arvo PΓ€rt: Spiegel im Spiegel etc performed by Benjamin Hudson, Sebastian Klinger and JΓΌrgen Kruse (Brilliant Classics, 2007)

And now: this heavenly stillness

11.03.2026 12:12 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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I have another

11.03.2026 12:01 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 0
George the Hofmeister bear in his yellow velvetine jacket and his white shirt with his name on it looking suave in a supermarket deli section

George the Hofmeister bear in his yellow velvetine jacket and his white shirt with his name on it looking suave in a supermarket deli section

if they're putting animals on the bank notes I have one suggestion

11.03.2026 12:01 πŸ‘ 7 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 0
He’s got an Imperial Ton of penis between his legs, because it’s definitely entirely his fault if your minge is the size of the Blackwell tunnel, and his perfectly normal, anatomically perfect tallywacker can only touch one side at a time. In no way is any of that the entirely natural result of the woman’s experience with childbirth; or the unnatural result of the collection of over-sized dildos with which she passes the evenings. It’s all the man’s fault, and always will be. If he fails to measure up, he is utterly worthless; and the only time she wants to hear his name again is in a local news report that he’s just died under the influence of a bus.

He’s got an Imperial Ton of penis between his legs, because it’s definitely entirely his fault if your minge is the size of the Blackwell tunnel, and his perfectly normal, anatomically perfect tallywacker can only touch one side at a time. In no way is any of that the entirely natural result of the woman’s experience with childbirth; or the unnatural result of the collection of over-sized dildos with which she passes the evenings. It’s all the man’s fault, and always will be. If he fails to measure up, he is utterly worthless; and the only time she wants to hear his name again is in a local news report that he’s just died under the influence of a bus.

Temptation to tag the Byline Times into something like this still whirs away from time to time. You did do your due diligence folks, right?

11.03.2026 11:47 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Ahh see I'm on team Brilliant Classics for that material (JΓΌrgen Kruse the pianist), as you get the string instrument changing with each subsequent Spiegel, and a bit more solo piano variety

11.03.2026 11:19 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

IMO undefeated by any subsequent PΓ€rt release on New Series. This fucker goes hard

11.03.2026 11:15 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
CD cover of Arvo PΓ€rt: Tabula Rasa, Fratres, Cantus performed by Gidon Kremer, Keith Jarrett, cellists of the Berlin Phil, Lithuanian CO (ECM NS 1275)

CD cover of Arvo PΓ€rt: Tabula Rasa, Fratres, Cantus performed by Gidon Kremer, Keith Jarrett, cellists of the Berlin Phil, Lithuanian CO (ECM NS 1275)

Now this with its nearly invisible cover, suppose conceptually aligning with the title work (or maybe I just have a very faded copy)

11.03.2026 11:12 πŸ‘ 9 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 0
CD cover of William Lawes: Consort Music for Viols, Lutes and Theorbos performed by Rose Consort of Viols etc (Naxos, 1995)

CD cover of William Lawes: Consort Music for Viols, Lutes and Theorbos performed by Rose Consort of Viols etc (Naxos, 1995)

Time for this now

11.03.2026 10:24 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
2CD cover of Morton Feldman: Two Pianos and Other Pieces, performed by John Tilbury & Philip Thomas etc (Another Timbre, 2014)

2CD cover of Morton Feldman: Two Pianos and Other Pieces, performed by John Tilbury & Philip Thomas etc (Another Timbre, 2014)

Now playing

11.03.2026 08:17 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Adore this one, I'll never tire of it. The most hilariously authentic depiction of a school musical production I've ever seen (as a veteran of four of them)

10.03.2026 20:17 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

On to Thirties, a lower-fi recording from the ICES Festival 1972; very rough recording in fact, that takes a minute for the levels to settle (presumably just a 2-track board tape that can't be remixed). Opening seconds actually sound *exactly* like 1976 TG, then the rest sounds like a krautrock jam

10.03.2026 14:59 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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NEAR AND FAR (1975): This BBC educational series for schools had a decidedly eerie title sequence, with a theme tune best described as 'queasy'.

Now turn to page 666 in your exercise books.

10.03.2026 14:28 πŸ‘ 177 πŸ” 38 πŸ’¬ 16 πŸ“Œ 13

Visitations II has that same 'sailing down an ancient lost river' feel as Popol Vuh's In Den Garten Pharoas title track, except the melody never comes in; also nails that double-edged bucolic-unsettling thing that I love about '69 Pink Floyd but again, melody-free, all soundscape

10.03.2026 14:47 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
CD cover of Visitations I & II / Thirties by Jon Gibson (Chatham Square, 1973; expanded remaster New Tone, 1996)

CD cover of Visitations I & II / Thirties by Jon Gibson (Chatham Square, 1973; expanded remaster New Tone, 1996)

Afternoon random pick: prominent early Glassman, reissue of 1973 LP: airy, expansive rushing soundscape almost like a less claustrophobic Bohor (Xenakis) plus 1972 festival recording incl. Gavin Bryars as part of the ensemble

10.03.2026 14:29 πŸ‘ 6 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

2000s-2010s Pitchfork really is a link graveyard of 'sorry this YouTube user deactivated their account/was zapped by a copyright claim at some point since your three shoutouts in a single paragraph were published'

10.03.2026 13:43 πŸ‘ 21 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

And when I say 'grew up with' we're talking 'my Larne Granda always had a framed portrait of the queen in the hall'

10.03.2026 13:32 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Please send help, I can't stop reading this exquisitely written piece about the worst people ever, literally have about a dozen tabs open that are just this article from every time I click when I see it, the last embers of any royal tolerance I grew up with fizzling into ash

10.03.2026 13:32 πŸ‘ 6 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 0

My exact same score. Suspect a more honest way for them to frame the result could've been "you would probably like all the sci-fi and fantasy writers this AI was trained on and has mulched them all down to the average of their writing styles".

10.03.2026 12:52 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Ah yeah just saw you covered that. McGonagall, wrongness cubed right out of the gate

10.03.2026 12:23 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

The line "And in whispers some of them did say" NOT being at the END of the stanza to then lead into what he's voicing for these people is the cherry on the turd cake for me in this one: hang on, going to keep you guessing what they say for a moment, couple more rhymes I want to bung in here

10.03.2026 12:19 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
The Burial of the Rev. George Gilfillan On the Gilfillan burial day, In the Hill o’ Balgay, It was a most solemn sight to see, Not fewer than thirty thousand people assembled in Dundee, All…

A sequel to McGonogall's first ever Poem: The Burial of the Rev. George Gilfillan. Is it bad? You bet your ass it is - it fucking sucks! www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45826/...

10.03.2026 11:18 πŸ‘ 13 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 3 πŸ“Œ 0