Georgia the Explorer 🇨🇦

I hate that the sparkle icon is shorthand for AI. They want us to think it’s magic. Fuck you!!! Magic is when you lose a glob of mustard from your sandwich but it doesn’t land on you. When you win at 20 questions. Sparkles belong to Liberace. A baby’s smiling eyes. I will put you in the ground!!!!!!

My superpower is I can go to sleep at any time and still wake up tired.

heavens gate cult member’s Nike decades worn in mass suicide

you know who else made everyone wear the same shoes?

I think i'm gonna write a book one day. I just need a really good idea. And some time. And some writing talent. And the desire to do it.

The fact no one has seen god makes me believe he captured and killed everyone who saw him.

Women's movement? You mean 'gestures broadly'?

Ok, I'm sure you all know this one, sing along if you want, let's hear you in the back!!

*starts just screaming and screaming and screaming*

Being married to me means that once a day-- every day-- you will be asked "What are you thinking about for dinner" at about 7:30 in the morning.

making a break for it (soul leaves body)

Man.

The world fucking is on fire.

So go be as corny and cringe as you wanna be without hurting people.

Live whats left of your only life.

If you can’t be free in your body at least go be free in your mind and soul.

Fuck the haters.

i get it, sweatpants drawstring. sometimes i just wanna go crawl in a hole too.

Sorry can't, they've rolled coal into my soul.

Oh no! I hope it doesn't hit too hard

Carefully?

When you pull a pin from a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please?

This stomach bug? Ugh. I was begging for death yesterday

what were you like in high school besides obviously still being an asshole?

Fun fact..marriage counselors get divorced as well.

Me, when the last person in the house succumbed to the stomach bug: We live in a house of plague! Bring out the dead!

how do you think jesus feels about all these people wearing his murder weapon on their necklaces

Went to the dermatologist to have her check out a suspicious looking mole.

She said they all look like that and to put it back in the garden.

Happy birthday! 🎂🧁

Vulture capitalist.

Exhausterwhelmulated Adjective 1. The feeling of being exhausted, overwhelmed, and overstimulated all at once. tinybuddha.com

Probably should've laid off those edibles before I did my own taxes.

A side note however...I'm getting back twelve and a half million dollars.

Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.

Kraft cheese is single ply

a pink orange and red sunset can be seen through bare trees standing on spotty snow with a hazy foggy hanging in the air

hey. it's creepy and beautiful out.

Tits out for International Women’s Day, m’ladies.

get with the program it’s the 90s bitch