Voltz

I watch a lot of those little cooking TikTok’s/shorts and I know I need to get over it but whenever I see them use that stupid green bottle of olive oil I get so mad I literally can’t finish the video.

i am tired of going to work and getting kicked in the head for 8 hours straight and then showing up the next day and getting kicked in the head for 8 hours straight and after that showing up again and getting kicked in the head for 8 straight hours

What if they were the nutant minja turtles

Quick everyone livetweet the news or else you’re complicit

alexander graham bell: i invented the telephone!

his brother, taco: i'm working on some pretty big stuff too

Fuck Tuah

Aliens is just the best sequel of all time isn’t it?

the hot new trend is ‘yosemite samming.’ kids are going crazy for doing finger guns but shaking them at the ceiling instead of pointing them at each other

If you don't like Baker Mayfield, you don't like the human heart.

rolling out of a kidney transplant like yo wheres my daughter, and the doctor asks.. who do u think gave the knee???

been working at a blood bank for awhile as the guy who chases draculas off with a broom was up to my ass in em’ one night about two months ago but it’s been pretty smooth sailing ever since

Batman is autistic representation

Sometimes I’ll find the last puzzle piece to figuring someone out and the whole picture will come together. Like “oh you’re Mormon!” Or perhaps more often “oh you cheer for the Cowboys”

This edible got me moving round the house like jamiroquai

I’m only on season two so far but Buffy’s right up there for a spot on my favorite shows so far. Fuck Xander tho

The key to fixing this is simply a devilish grin. Never fails

whenever I get annoyed in public I lash out violently and cause great harm to those around me

whistleblowers love dying in "apparent suicides"

Driving a rental because my car got t-boned and god damn do I hate the dial shifter.

I've always aspired to be like James Bond, a man who owns a car and has had sex

Is there a way to mute all mentions of Boston sports teams except for when people are making fun of them? Asking for a friend thnx

My Spotify Wrapped. Top artists: 1. Good kid 2. Childish Gambino 3. Two Door Cinema Club 4. Kanye West 5. Wolfmother Top Songs 1. Lite 2. Nomu 3. Molotov Cocktail Lounge 4. misses 5. Crazy Hours Listened: 15304

I miss OG

marcus smart isn’t supposed to make dumb plays. it’s literally in his name

“The Michelin tire company makes the Michelin star rating for restaurants”is the kind of fact
That convinces you your friends are messing with you

I feel pretty good as long as I only think about two or three things

This is one of my favorite songs purely off the vibe alone