Donkey Hotay 💩

Holy shit I thought tacochauns went extinct during the lucky charms famine of 1987!

im a crash test dummy
without the crash test

You are transported through a wormhole in the space/time continuum to their butthole

What's it called when you accidentally buttdial your bootycall?

Wife: I opened up the *box on the back porch and billowing smoke poured out Donk: Niiiiiiiiice W: 🙄 (eye roll emoji) *stash box

Still hittin licks in 2026

Probably should've laid off those edibles before I did my own taxes.

A side note however...I'm getting back twelve and a half million dollars.

Not to brag but I've appeared on loads of 'What's Hot, What's Not' lists and the verdict is pretty unanimous.

I'm not.

guys! i had the craziest dream last night! wanna hear about it? no? too bad. in this thread, i will…

1/967

You can’t count the pandemic man. Or the war on drugs. Or the years Blink 182 was popular. We should get those back

2027 will be as long from Austin Powers being unfrozen in 1997 as when he was originally frozen in 1967.

This day in history. 1991. Faroese novelist and poet William Heinesen died. His best known works are Árið Eg Misti Ongar Fingrar (The Year I Lost No Fingers), Skrubbandi (Floundering), and Skipstroyggjur av Ævinleikanum (Fishing Sweaters of Destiny).

Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds, and this is my wife, Patti.

He leaned so close he could feel her eyelash trembling upon his cheek. It was a moment of pure transcendence. Then, she whispered something he couldn’t quite make out.
“Conjunctivitis,” she repeated.

A sad-looking Golden Retriever, ears pinned back, wears a telephone headset with a microphone.

“There’s no reason to be rude, um, Margaret is it? Technically ma’am yes, you’re right, I actually am a son of a bitch, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you meant it. Now, what can I- Okay, now you’re just being hurtful...”

An older woman, with her hands together as if she is praying, to a photo of Pink Floyd's David Gilmour.

Stopped by the senior's center at lunch and posted this on the wall.

Is it presumptuous of me to assume that a Mime Convention does NOT have a keynote speaker?

I leave my bed unmade; I like to see the exact moment I gave up bliss for responsibility.

Thank you for always having my back

- me, to a monkey

I never thought I'd be jealous of dead people but damn, being dead looks so stress free.

me, to myself, in multi-level parking garage: ok remember where you parked. E1, E1, E1…

me, seeing Ginny, aka “G”: G!!

*2 seconds later*

me, to myself: ok remember where you parked. G1, G1, G1…

me, back in garage after dr appt: ok remember where you parked. C1, C1, C1 wtf? where’s my car 😩

*types out post*
*anticipates replies*
*deletes post*

I joined a cult just for the sects.

[playing nunchucks]

Mother Superior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

me: *putting Sister Agatha back down* sorry, Reverend Mother

The Indiana Jones movies are a great example of why everybody should invest in and carry a grabber tool for hard to reach things

I’m not playing, I am legit hard to get.

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom

you: you DO have kids

me: WHAT

Taking "you can't please all of the people all of the time" to its logical conclusion.

Nobody names their Tybalts "Mercutio" anymore and other format lectures that didn't get any likes this semester

hope my cremation has a horn section

Now, a message from Rev. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof:

A young woman writes...

Dear Casey,

A reverend invited me to Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor. He told me I could be his "guest ball handler". I asked why a man of God would say such a thing. He said "Why ask why?".

God bless,

Kim in Ohio