raindro

Getting the supreme car wash because I love sour cream

THEM: omg they look just like you

ME: did you just call my baby ugly

so was the daylight saved or is it gone forever?

i’d be ogrewhelmed if i was an onion and had donkey as my bestie too

i’m never accusing raccoons of not being able to read ever again

"Fuck" is the bacon of words.

suing the government for the tariff on time

If i turn my music down or mute it you better appreciate my scarce attention span

do you even put mustard on your beats ho?

got the surgery where i cum diet coke now

mayonnaise being sassy rn. ketchup with me and get on my level

my superpower is doing shots instead of dishes

yeah ima do a shot

do you even put mustard on your beats ho?

Me: hey siri

*no response*

Me: I said hey siri you dumb bitch

sick of working, it’s time to start doing crimes for money

Something inherently sexual about waving around 2 dicks attached to chains

Weapons are lowkey sexual

my life is a mess but in a kinda cute chaotic way but only if you like me

A sandwich that forgives you for everything

happy birthday!!

They called Abraham Lincoln “old hickory” because of his gigantic dick

Partial section of the face of a full-size chocolate cat being held over the face of an actual cat.

Phantom of the Opurra

tell the coppers ha ha ha ha

Slutivism, is this something?

Have the kind of sex where you have to buy a new house.

why even is monday????

Bro have you ever even piloted an oil tanker through the Strait of Hormuz bro

i guess that’s an ok time to use mouthwash so i don’t guess this is a huge inconvenience. which is nice

fuck daylight to be honest